Tuesday, April 24, 2007

The Bi-Polar Hula

I haven't posted for a while. I am sorry if any of you have worried. It has been a difficult time for me both at home and work.

After the first of the year my family went through a trauma of sorts. Some extreme personal differences erupted between my parents and I. The end result being, I left the family business. All of this happened while I was still recovering from the effects of coming off of my pain medication.

Since then I have been struggling with major depression and anxiety. Trying to build a new business and maintain my recovery. Needless to say it has been tough.

My doc put me on Prozac which enabled me to get up off of the floor. I still struggled with doing something, anything productive. Each day was a battle. I couldn't focus on anything. Prayer, recovery, work, family, whatever. A friend told me that if you are taking antidepressants and you are still depressed you are probably bi-polar. "Yeah dude what-ever" I said. "Denial!" I had seen so many in recovery diagnosed with bi-polar I didn't want anything to do with it. Lithium? No way not me!

I blew it off for a week or so and then I started getting desperate. I looked up the symptoms and went, oh. I set an appointment for my psychiatrist. He put me on lamictal. I am building up the dosage right now, but I feel normal again. He hasn't officially diagnosed me, however if it looks like a duck it probably is.

The icing on the cake is that I can focus again. That is the real miracle. I feel connected with God, my program, and my family. I finished reprocessing my "traumas" with a new fourth step today and feel better than I have in weeks.

So, I hope to be back more consistantly and to not be so freaking serious about everything.




shirley buxton said...

Larry, I do worry about you. Can't help myself. I continue to pray for your family and you.

Be sure that you check your site tomorrow. I will have a message for you. :) Nope, you can't know now. You must wait.

Blessings and hope.

Shirley Buxton

DeadMule said...

Hang in there, Larry. I have a number of Christian friends who are bi-polar. I have checked your blog almost every day. And now I want to know what Shirley has for tomorrow.

You'll remain in my prayers.

Helen Losse

It says DeadMule because I'm the Poetry Editor there.

Larry said...

Thanks guys. I really appreciate the prayers and concern. Shirley, I can't wait to see what you have!


DeadMule said...

Check Shirley's blog, Larry.

Mandylea said...

First of all, I LOVE the title of this post. How appropriate --- bipolar hula ---- perfect description of a life with bipolar disorder. I wish you the very best with the acceptance of thei disorder. I have been diagnosed for about 2 or more years and on lithium and it works wonders for me. FYI...my psychiatrist told me today that she just read an article yesterday that says that "they" (whoever they are) can find no proof that bipolar patients do any better on a mood stabalizer and anti-depressant than they do with just a mood stabalizer. Just a bit of info!!!

lots of love,

John Kaiser said...

Congrats on turning your situation around! I will pray for your continued success.

DeadMule said...

Cograts on your award, Larry. All the best. LOve, Helen

Mandylea said...

Congrats on your award Larry. BTW, I pray for you too and worry when you are gone for periods of time. I guess we will be seeing your thinking awards soon.

Larry said...

Yes, you will Mandy. Thank you for your prayers.


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