What's the deal man?
I am having a hard time getting back into blogging.
Focus is a misty cloud for me these days. Oh for just a bit of clarity.
True joy in anything is hard to come by "right now". I'm not ready to share what is going on. Some of y'all whom I have known awhile could probably put two and two together and come up with quattro. I however am not ready to say four publicly just yet.
Lord, just get me through Christmas and I can deal with it.
I want to share a recent discovery with you. In October our Celebrate Recovery group went to see Mercy Me in Houston. Audio Adrenaline and a guy named Phil Wickham opened.
He and his band are very young, (man, am I that old?) but oh the early 80's influences with modern tech backing their sound is terrific. His vocals are incredible, Even though they had some sound problems his music came through the noise. I downloaded the album off itunes and wow, I have been blown away. He sings love songs to Jesus.
What an incredible relationship he must have spiritually with Christ. I highly recommend getting his music. He sings what I feel but can't express.
I am totally in a desert place right now, Phil's work has helped me to get through.
Go to his website, listen to his stuff. God is really working through this guy.
The Lyrics to Grace, by Phil Wickham
The sky is grey and the light is far
The sea is a rage within my heart
I turn my sight to the crashing waves
I cry in the night just to be saved
I need eyes to be my guide
I need a voice that’s louder than mine
I need hope
I need You Cause I can’t do this alone
Grace I call Your name
Oh won’t Your smile fall over me
I’m cracked and dry on hands and knees
Oh sweet grace rain down on me
I need You grace.
I pray for dawn a new day to live
I pray for mercy only Jesus gives
Though darkness falls and a million cry
I believe over all there’s a greater light shining for us
Come down and save me
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
I find it amazing the beautiful Tapestry God weaves within our daily lives. Part of me wonders whether it is always there or, is it only there when we are in tune with God's will. I know the answer but I must pose the question.
In the depths of my despair over the last few months I wondered at times where was God? I knew full well he had never left. But again, I had to pose the question.
Now, I am finally getting back to normal. I have had some kind of wierd version of strep throat since September. I would take antibiotics get well, and low and behold it would start over again. Of course it was one of those things where you don't put two and two together until you are wore out with it.
When you can't seem to get well, your home life (IE. Family) gets difficult. Then your spiritual life. Next thing you know, man, I was in a place I don't want to travel back to.
When I was wallowing in my misery I couldn't see anything God had for me. I had a hard enough time remembering what I had for lunch. Slowly my focus has returned and I see Christ's hand in my life. The tapestry.
A phone call just when I needed it. A certain thought or song/sermon on the radio. Recognizing an amends I needed to make. A new client just when money was getting tight. My wife's beauty. A new sponser. The tapestry, carefully woven ere the foundation of the earth was laid. All for me.
I can't wait to see Jesus face to face, I'll see then what he has made, completed.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
I want to ask your forgiveness for not posting or letting anyone know how I have been lately. Many of you have been deeply concerned. I thank all of you for the words of encouragement and support.
These last few months have been terribly difficult, mentally, physically and spritually. I can't even begin to tell you where it began or really where it may end. I am weary but, I am ok. I am not going to write much tonight. I thought I would do a bit each day until I am back to normal. (Whatever that is.) Not that I don't totally have my crap in perspective with the rest of the world. I know that compared to others my situation is nothing, but to me it is what it is.
I am commiting to writing again and I would ask that each of you keep me accountable. Even if I get on here and bang out one sentence I am accountable.
My love for Christ is as strong as ever and for those who wrote me specific verses I thank you so much. Each one was recieved at the right time and place, Praise God!
I'll leave you with one I came across in one of my studies and I will with His Grace talk to you again tomorrow.
Matthew 8:26 And Jesus answered, "Why are you so afraid? You have so little faith!"