Saturday, January 27, 2007

Wild Kingdom

Sorry to have been slack in posting! I got busy, I isolated. Then I had to go to San Antonio to write business. I hate it when that happens.

At a recent Celebrate Recovery Meeting, (not my own) the person giving the lesson talked about how he loved to watch the Wild Kingdom type shows. Specifically he liked watching the lions take down the water buffalo.

See, waterbuffalo move in herds. As long as they stick together it is very difficult for the lions to break in and take down an animal. If however, a buffalo gets away from the herd they become easy pickings for the lions.

The point beloved, is that us humans are not meant to be alone.

At that point it came to me. Satan is considered to be like a stalking, raging lion ready to devour his prey.

Recovery is really like this. We are safer staying plugged into others. I was really impressed by this. Sunday morning I was telling my pastor about this.

So he begins to tell me he has studied lions. Really? He goes on to say that the only real rival to the lion is, the waterbuffalo! Due to it's size, hooves, horns, and thick skin. Kind of like how the Triceratops was natural rival to the T-rex.

Guess who satan's natural rival is? Humans, he wants to destroy us. We have the defense of our Holy Father. We have only to cry out to him in the Name of Jesus.



Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Isaiah 6 1-7

I saw the Lord. Seated on a lofty throne, and the train of His robe filled the Temple.

Around Him were angels, with six mighty wings. With two they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet,and with two they fly, and sing.

Holy holy holy is the Lord almighty!

The whole earth is filled with His Glory.

The Glorious singing shook the Temple to it's foundations, and the entire sanctuary was filled with smoke.

Then I said "Whoa is me for I am ruined. For I am unclean and so are all my kind. For my eyes have seen the King, The Lord Almighty.

Then one of the angels flew over to the altar, and he picked up a buning coal with a pair of tongs. He touched my lips and said "Now your guilt is removed and your sins are forgiven".

Can you imagine? Isaiah saw God in all His glory! How difficult is that to get your mind around? It is not even something I can comprehend. Can you?


Monday, January 22, 2007


The peace that passes all understanding. I never really understood that until now.
I am not only a believer who struggles with addiction and co-dependency, I am also a believer who struggles with adhd (attention deficit hyperactive disorder). Say that three times fast!
My brain never wants to shut down. It is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going and going and well, you get the picture.
All of my recent trauma has served one primary purpose. To bring me closer to Christ. As the dust has settled I find myself surrendering to his will on a daily basis. Let me rephrase that. I find myself paying attention to his will for me on a daily basis. I am trying to incorporate some of the things we read about and talk about and are preached to about, but struggle with implementing.
1. Reading my bible more.
2. Praying unceasingly.
3. Keeping Him in my mind at all times.
4. Giving my family the same energy I give the church.
5. Meditating on His Word.
6. Asking His will before I do it.
7. Praying more.
These are just a few and all are works in progress. I do some better than others. I did make a commitment to not watch tv this week, and am spending the time either with my family or in bible or step study.
I am trying to get my brain off of local thinking and onto eternal thinking.
It is a big step I know. But with the guidance of the Holy Spirit I can take it.

Saturday, January 20, 2007


Hallelujah! God is good!

We will never know the mystery of God and why. One day perhaps, when standing before his throne we could ask.

Friday night's meeting was beauty personified. A real experience in the Holy Spirit.

We admit we are powerless over our addictive and compulsive behaviors and that our lives are unmanageble.
That is the first step.

But, are we truly powerless? Yes, without Christ we truly are. But with we aren't. "If God is for us who can be against us?"

One of our members has been out. Out using, drinking, whatever. We have all been praying for his safe return. Friday night he returned. I know what your thinking, how long will it last and is it real? All I can say is that in our men's small group he was well and truly broken and convicted by the Holy Spirit. This is not a man who crys in front of others. There was electricity in the air.

We were blessed to be there. There wasn't one of us who hadn't experienced brokenness on that level. It was a beautiful thing to see. Will he stay sober? I hope. But for now he is where he should be. Powerless and trusting God.

We are all powerless and that's ok if, we are saved by Grace in Christ Jesus.

Romans 8:26-27

Likewise the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for us according to the will of God.

Rejoice for the joy of the Lord is going to be our strength!



Wednesday, January 17, 2007

The 12 Steps and Their Biblical Comparisons Part II

Step One
We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable

I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.
Romans 7:18

Step Two
We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose.
Philippians 2:13

Step Three
We made a decision to turn our wills and our lives over to the care of God.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God — this is your spiritual act of worship.
Romans 12:1

Step Four
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD. Lamentations 3:40

Step Five
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.
James 5:16

Step Six
We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
James 4:10

Step Seven
Humbly asked Him to remove all our shortcomings.

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9

Step Eight
We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

Do to others as you would have them do to you.
Luke 6:31

Step Nine
We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.
Matthew 5:23-24

Step 10
We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!
1 Corinthians 10:12

Step 11
We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and power to carry that out.

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly.
Colossians 3:16

Step 12
Having had a spiritual experience as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.

Galatians 6:1

Tuesday, January 16, 2007


1 Corinthians 1:18 - 20

I know very well how foolish the message of the Cross sounds to those who are on the road to destruction. But we who are being saved recognize this message as the very power of God. As the Scriptures say

"I will destroy human wisdom
and discard their most brilliant ideas"

So where does this leave the philosophers, the scholars and the worlds brilliant debaters? God has made them all look foolish and has shown their wisdom to be foolish nonsense.

Next time we go thinking how smart we are remember this. Next time we go linking to brilliance remember this.


Monday, January 15, 2007


Old man winter blows through Texas. Leaving a frosty wake in his path. Everywhere that is, except the Houston area. Oh to be sure it's cold but wet. I lived in Colorado Springs once, it snowed on Labor Day. When I was a kid my grandaddy Hicks lived in Plainview, Texas. I have pictures of three year old me in the snow. I have friends who go skiing every year who have a blast playing in the wintry mix. Why not me for once?

I'll tell you.
1. It's cold.

2. It burns your skin when it slips down your collar.

3. It causes wrecks (specially when folks have no idea how to drive here)

4. Snow angels? Snowmen? They aren't near as easy to make as it looks.

5. Snowball fights? Too painful.

6. People have heart attacks shoveling snow.

7. When I lived in North Carolina I had to crawl into my car through the hatchback. (the doors were froze shut.)

These are just a few. I could go on but why should I?

I will just live vicariously through others who like the snow. Then I can see nice pictures and romanticize the cold from a distance.


Friday, January 12, 2007


Breakthrough! attitude change, faith change, thinking change.

I have always been hesitant about sharing faith on a personal level. Fear of judgement I guess, people thinking I'm crazy etc. Since my recent adventure in recovery from pain medication I have noticed a distinct difference.
I believe everthing happens for a reason. I believe God has used this time in my life to draw me closer to him. I go to him now with unreserved abandon. There are still lots of things I need to improve on and I pray for guidance everyday.

Which brings me back to sharing faith. While at church Wednesday night some folks came up to attend a Narcotics Anonymous meeting. Unfortunately that meeting Wednesday night ended a year ago. I spoke with them, gave them the information they needed on the other meetings in the area. One of them was staying in a local motel paid for by his family. I agreed to ferry him to the Thursday night meeting. I prayed for God to give me an opportunity to witness and for what to say.

When the opportunity came I took it. I shared a bit of my story, gave him a bible, and asked him if I could pray for him. He allowed and I did. Tonight he is coming to our Celebrate Recovery meeting.

I didn't even break a sweat. It has always been easy to write about Jesus here, or to talk about Him at CR but on a one on one level it has always been difficult. Thank God he gave me the courage.

The Freedom we have in Christ is something we must share like He did, on a personal level.

I'm Glad I did.


Thursday, January 11, 2007


This is a devotional I recieve from Purpose Driven Life. Written by John Fischer, like everthing else lately things seem to ring a mighty bell with what is going on in my life. Especially the asking for help part.

January 10, 2007

‘I thirst’by John Fischer

“Please give me a drink.” (John 4:7)

We worship a God who became a vulnerable human being. Superman took kryptonite. Samson let his hair be cut. Jack Frost relinquished his wintry powers to become the town tailor. Jesus got thirsty. It’s a story that is played out not only in history, but in fantasy, legend, and mythology – someone with supernatural powers gives up those powers to become human and it is always done for one reason: love. That was God’s reason. “But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.” (Romans 5:8)

And yet Jesus did more than just come to die. He also came to live as a human being. And that’s how it came to be that the God who made the heavens and the earth, including the clouds that bring water to a thirsty land, wound up at the well of Jacob asking a Samaritan woman for a drink. She had something he needed. He gave her worth by asking her for it. Due to tradition and culture, he should have had nothing to do with this woman. As it turned out, he ended up revealing to her his identity as the Messiah –something he did not do that directly to anyone for the rest of his ministry on earth.

Love always makes you vulnerable. There’s no way you can love and not expose yourself in some way or give something up. Love and need go together. God’s love compelled him to do what he did because that very love created in him a need for us. By creating us he also created in himself a place for us, and that need was reflected many times through the life of Christ.
Jesus Christ didn’t die for us because it made for good theology, he died for us because he loved us, lost us to sin, and gave himself up to buy us back. By doing this, he had to become vulnerable to the very system he created, that we might see how true love behaves. There is a death in love, and that death is the death of self. Jesus died to love us; we die as well in order to love and serve others. And part of that is in being vulnerable.

Sometimes the best thing we can do for someone is ask for help. Jesus asked the woman for a drink and three years later, he was asking for the same thing from the cross –symbolic of the vulnerability he placed himself into for the whole human race. Being vulnerable to those you love is a big part of love itself."

Humility comes to mind. For me, it is very difficult to ask for help and lately I have had to ask for it a lot. Not financial so much but just to be trusting to others to get the advice I have really needed recently. It is never easy to trust when you feel you have been betrayed by people whom you should never expect betrayal from.



Tuesday, January 9, 2007

Light in the Storm

Hope you like the new format! I finally took the plunge and updated. You know how it is, we in recovery sometimes fear change.

I thought I would take a moment to reflect and share a bit of my recent experience detoxing off of the poison I was on for so long.

I must warn you, my journaling skills were not up to snuff.

God's promise: "I will give you back your health again and heal your wounds." Jeremiah 30:17 TLB

December 26th, 2006

This sux! This totally Sux! Detox Sux! I ache, my fingertips feel like they are going to pop off. I have to run to the bathroom every five minutes. I miss my family. It's too quiet in my room, they took my IPOD. I am not a person who likes to be alone with my own thoughts! I just want to heal, detox and leave! I love all the people who called today to check on me. (Before I checked in.) Ok too achy will write later.

December 27th, 2006

Ok, today is a bit better (meds kicking in) I did not sleep well last night. I had weird dreams, tossed and turned and went to the bathroom a lot. I prayed a lot when I couldn't sleep in all pretty miserable. They came in at 6 am and took blood. Shortly there after they gave me meds, vitamins and clonidine. Yesterday they gave me a clonidine patch to put on my shoulder. I went and had breakfast. I really didn't talk to anyone takes too much energy. I am very tired. I napped for an hour or so. Best sleep I have had since I got here. I woke up with terrible diarrea. I am totally exhausted. I missed group. Brenda, one of the nurses told me my wife had called. Omgosh I missed her last night and this morning. I came back in my room, started feeling blue and the Lord blessed me with his presence. I was praying, and everthing got still and quiet, I stopped shaking. He told me "I am your Rock, your Shield, your Very Present help in time of need." I cried. So I'm waiting here for 11:30 I'm gonna call my wife eat lunch and go to the meeting. I hope I have enough energy. Honesty

These are my exact journal entries. A tad edited, I didn't want to overwhelm anyone with too much personal info.

I have a few more entries I will add later. At times I was so miserable all I could do was pray Isaiah 6 over and over. Holy, holy is the Lord Almighty.

In my darkest hour he was there.

I understand praise in the storm like never before.


Monday, January 8, 2007


Finally, the year, the surgery, everything, has come full circle. I have to humbly make amends to all of you. I have been out of it lately, most of you know that. I have had trouble making this public.

One, you never know when something like this may bite you on the can ten years from now. Two, I was trying to hang on to a shred of anonymity.

If some of you were paying attention y'all know exactly what was going on. December 26th I had to have medical help to get off the freakin' pain pills I had been on since November of last year. Why you ask? Car wreck in 04 and then surgery in May of 06. I knew in October I was going to need a hand. I tried several times on my own... Wasn't happening. Not a good thing. I needed medical help to detox.

Sunday was my first really good day since December 26th when I took my last pill. My recovery from surgery was not as hard as getting the poison out of my system.

This has been a great experience. Despite the pain withdrawal and the purging I have drawn much closer to God. I am on fire again for my mission, and what He wants me to do.

I feel alive again.

So I want to make amends to those who have worried without explanation.

Forgive me and thank you for your prayers.


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