Keepin' It Real

So, how real do you keep it when blogging? Are we shiny plastic people? Or do we lay it all out on the line?

Some blogs I have perused are vile, full of hatred and anger, an 80's punk show flyer. Show us how you really feel eh?

How far do you go with personal angst and agony? Do you name names or protect the not so innocent? I know when I finally finish my autobiography I'm not pulling any punches.

Fortunately I am doing another fith step Thursday with my sponsor. I also have therapy an hour before. So I'll be getting some needed processing done this week.

It seems I am never to escape family drama. No matter what I do it'll allways be there. God grant me the serenity etc. I feel like the elderly Michael Corleone. "No matter what I do they pull me back in!" It affects me down to my core.

When I was a kid things could be tough at times. (I am still being too chicken to keep it real here) I have bent over backwards to not make those mistakes with my girls. I never want them to feel as I did and still do. I don't get why my family doesn't do the same.

To accept the things I cannot change. I feel like I am taking crazy pills wait, oh yeah, I am.

If you can't tell I am very frustrated as I write this post. I wanna keep it much more real but the shiny won't come off just yet. My codependency still abounds I guess.


Larry

New Day

Is the sun shining? Do I see light at the end of the tunnel? Am I jumping the gun?

I am always hesitant to get too excited about tomorrow. Have to make sure I'm not on a slide.
It isn't very fun to tell folks how great I am feeling then, next day can't get off the floor. Ah the bipolar hula!

Anyways, work is going good again for right now. I am getting my excercise like a good boy, and am getting better about my eating habits. Seems almost like old times before the wreck.

It's amazing what you can do with focus!

Right now.


Larry

Back on the Bike

Do you feel the winds of change?

Soon this weight will fall away

And take you to a place

Only found through these winds of change

Winds of Change, Kutless

What a good weekend. I have been back on my bike twice. Day one, 4o minute or so ride. Day two an hour. I almost ate it today on the wet trails. It is tradition here that it always rains Memorial day weekend. This one was no exception.

Of course I did the obligitory Memorial Day guy thing. Watched two hours of the series Band of Brothers. I had never seen the last two episodes. Fantastic, I never cease to be in awe of the people who serve in uniform for our country. I watch our guys over in Iraq and Afganistan on the Military Channel and feel like a complete pansy. Incredible what they do.

Anyways, the above lyric is from a song that gives me hope when I'm down. I try to listen to it once a day.

I'm starting a new side-bar of what I am listening to. Just wanted to share some of the tunes that have given me a boost.

Trust me,

There have been a lot

Larry

Finally, The Awards Are Out!

Last month Shirley Buxton presented me with The Thinking Blogger Award. It was the first blog award I have recieved from my peers, and coming from her was a true honor. So today, finally, I am awarding five blogs that really make me think.

1. Three Kid Circus. I love the name of Jenny's blog. I have tons of kids in my house and I love her stories. The post that really got me was "Bad to the Bone" I was laughing hysterically. When I was a kid we weren't allowed to say "butt" either, we had to say bottom or even worse, fanny. (is it any wonder I have issues?)

2. A LifeTime on the Ride: Mandy has been one of my blogging buddies since I started. This past year has been a huge growing experience for her, and I have enjoyed and found strength in her writing. She has gone from severe depression to running freaking marathons!

3. The Soiled Chamois: This one is a bit different. Jason is an endurance mountain biker. Half the time I am not sure what he is talking about but, (bike terminology) he is totally driven to what he does. Jason writes about it with humor and flair.

4. Acute Politics: Teflon Don does an awesome job writing on his experiences in Iraq. It is almost like you are there with him. We need to honor him and all our serving men and women in uniform past and present for Memorial Day. Actually they should be honored everyday for their sacrifice.

5. Blah Blah Blog: Linda (aka Lou) not only has a great sense of humor but is a great humanitarian as well. She is a nurse who spends her summers on mission trips. Make sure you check out her emergency roomisms.

So all of y'all check-em out. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

Larry

Eternity

Ecclesiastes 3-11

God has planted eternity in the human heart.

How do we fathom this? God has planted eternity in our hearts. It means that each of us, no matter where we are from. No matter what our culture, He has done this for all of human-kind.

Paul tells us in Romans that people instinctively know about God. He has placed this knowledge in our hearts as well.

In my life I denied this for years. Things were wrong, and I could never quite put my finger on what it was. My lifestyle was fueled by the weekend. The never ending I owed it to myself whether I deserved it or not. Then Monday morning "welcome back to reality."

Self medication with a prescription of lies and fears with a dose of as needed, leaves you lost in the world. This place we live in with it's decieving beauty is empty without God. We can see what he has created but, without him it is hollow, nothing. We see without seeing. We know but don't. Going through the motions.

I knew my life was wrong. A disaster, with a gulf of no hope. Hope is like sight. You don't know what's missing until you recieve it. The last time I visited the eye doctor he changed my contacts. I tried the new lenses and "wow!" I can see!

I had no idea my lack of hope until I had it.

In Christ I'll have it for eternity.

Larry

The Journey

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. An ant builds a mound one grain of sand at a time. Faith as small as a mustard seed can move a mountain.

Jesus is a lamp to our feet, a light unto our path. A light at our feet means we can only see what is right ahead of us. Single steps, single steps. The kiss principle, keep it simple stupid.

Sometimes something so small is the way to go. I don't have to slay the dragon all at once, I'll just hack away and pray for progress. My thought processes seem to be getting back to normal. My focus is much better.

Right now.

I hate to go more than that because I don't know what tomorrow holds. I pray for strength and the peace that passes all understanding. I also pray that I will totally accept the Grace and the supernatural love that God has for me. I do but, my brain has a hard time encompassing it.

Hey, I journaled three days in a row...

Pray for George, that he will come to know Christ and accept His Grace.

Larry

Crossroads

Up, down. Up down. You know it is really cool that I finally know what I'm dealing with in my Life. I recognize the cycles of mania and depression.

Stuff makes sense now. Changes will have to be made. Commission sales may not be the best thing for me anymore.

What to do? I have been praying for The Lord to open another door for me. Stability would be a good thing.

I am coming to a crossroads. Which way do I go?

God will tell me. If I shut up and listen.

Larry

Love Part II

I recently finished reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller What a fantastic Read! I got so much out of it.

You can read stuff and something clicks that blows your mind. A new way of looking at things.

Here is something that really changed my thinking from reading the book. I am totally relating to what spoke to me as I read. These are not quotes from the book. If it smooshes with it consider it a paraphrase.

You have to completely accept God's Supernatural Love.

I am the greatest in the world at talking down to myself. When I say a bad word. Have lustful thoughts, let my eyes wander, or watch something I shouldn't, I feel guilty to the point of paralyzation. Like Jim Carrey in the movie Liar Liar. You know, the bathroom scene. "Excuse me! Do you mind! I'm Kickin' my own ass!"

Paul tell's us "While we were still sinners Christ died for us." Jesus knows how broken and twisted we are. That's why he did what he did. We were beyond the law. Now we are free!

Shame and guilt can torture us into believing, how could God love us? This is satan seperating us from the Sheperd. Good conviction is a tug, a desire to do better. If you hear, you suck, how could you do that, what is wrong with you, it is of the devil.

All you have to say to remember is, Jesus died for me!


Larry

Love

I loved my morning devotional today.

I thought I would share it with you.


2007/05/11

Loving Out The Fear

by Jon Walker

All of you should be of one mind, full of sympathy toward each other, loving one another with tender hearts and humble minds. (1 Peter 3:8 NLT)

God enables us to love the fear out of one another.
We drive fear from our families and friends by loving one another so supportively that every one feels safe inside the group (1 John 4:18). This safety allows us to bring our humanity into the open, including all our pain and joy, our ups and downs, our victories and defeats.

It means you give to others the same uncommon safety Christ gives you – to be real, to be sad, to be messed up and confused, yet to be loved.

God challenges us to create a Christ-community where we love like our lives depend upon it (1 Peter 1:22) and where we can each “live and move and have our being.” (Acts 17:28)
We’re to weep as one and celebrate as one, caring for each other equally (1 Corinthians 12:25-26) as we comfort and confront, warm and warn, cherish and challenge within an atmosphere of supportive safety.

Loving the fear out of each other requires that we develop:

Tender hearts – We give support to each other because God gives us support, and we’re to encourage others with the encouragement we receive from him. (2 Corinthians 1:4)

In the New Testament, the word ‘support’ can literally mean “to increase one another’s potential.” (Romans 14:19 NJB) We strengthen one another by extending love, instead of fostering fear, and we do that by offering relationships that are safe and sympathetic.

Humble minds –True humility focuses on the worth of others. We understand our value in Christ, and we understand that God shapes each of us for a unique purpose.

Godly eyes – Loving the fear out of our family and friends – in fact, loving the fear out of the world – means we see others for what they can be, not for what they appear to be now. Jesus called Peter a rock when the fisherman was still acting on impulse (Matt. 16:18), and God called Gideon a mighty man of courage when he was hiding from the enemy among piles of grain. (Judges 6:11-12) God calls us to encourage and affirm each other (1 Thessalonians 5:11), seeing those around us in terms of their purpose and mission in life.

So what?
God enables us to love the fear out of one another. You can love the fear out of others, and you can allow the fear to be loved out of you.

We exhibit tender hearts when we say to one another:

It’s OK to have a bad day.·

It’s OK to be tired.·

It’s OK to admit your mistakes.·

It’s OK to say your marriage is failing.·

It’s OK to confess your addiction.· It’s OK to share you’re scared.·

It’s OK to want a day away from your toddler.·

It’s OK to grieve this loss.·

It’s OK to doubt, to be confused, to cry.

We exhibit humble minds when we say to one another:

It’s OK to be happy you got a new car.

It’s OK to celebrate that you got a huge raise.

It’s OK to joyfully tell us you lost 17 pounds.

It’s OK to say you won the sales competition.

It’s OK to shout “Hallelujah!” because God’s presence in your life is so good.

It’s OK to tell us these things because we will be as happy for you as if these blessings had come to us, and we will join you in hearty celebration.

© 2007 Jon Walker. All rights reserved.
Jon Walker is a pastor-advocate living in Southern California and the former pastor of communications at Saddleback Church.

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Spam

Ahh Spam! Is it fried? Baked with jelly on top? Or is it that annoying stuff that clogs your email no matter how many times you block?

What a great name for email adverts. Nobody really knows what or where the original Spam comes from and it is kinda hard to know where this email stuff comes from as well.

Don't get me wrong, I like spam. Fried and dipped in mustard. Baked with grape jelly on top... Hey, don't knock it till you have tried it. I also like chocolate cake and a glass of buttermilk with salt in it. Oops, I probably scared all my readers away with that one.

But this email spam is pretty annoying.

I only wish I could get that money from Abu Mbinki the poor widower who could be rich If I could just give him my banking info. Man if I could only collect half of the laptops and Ipods I'm offered I could open my own electronics store. How about opening a pharmacy? Dude, what about the stock tips? Busting the Dow wide open, man what a dream! Free theme park tickets, Motorola Razrs. Wow, spam offers so many incredible opportunities! I'm not even going into the dating ones or the natural male.... Ahh never mind.

I think I'll just stick with the one in the can.

Larry

P.S. I am working on my thinking blogger awards.

Making Sense

Moments of clarity. The light bulb comes on. Something clicks, and suddenly you get it.

How does this happen? How do we get away from the foundational things Jesus has given us? Then suddenly we get it again?

I know what I have to do in my life, but dang it, I don't. I know what He wants from me, I fight.

The verse in the song Hold Me Jesus is so me.

"I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want than to take what You give that I need."

I am like grandpa's mule who needed a two by four to get him moving. The call is there but I will not pick up the phone. I will not listen to the messages either because I don't want to hear them. So they pile up.

Paul said it best.

"I know that nothing good lives in me. That is my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is right, but I cannot carry it out.

I don't want to be blinded to get it. I don't want to be swallowed by a fish either.

I better shut up and know He is God.

I want to thank Shirley Buxton for awarding me the Thinking Blogger Award. It means a lot coming from her. I admire her writing a great deal and for her to say I write beautifully was a wonderful compliment. Even more is her support and her prayers. So watch out fellow bloggers this award will be coming to five blogs that really make me go "hmmm." (I can't help being a cornball.)

The history behind this award can be found here.

Larry

The Bi-Polar Hula

I haven't posted for a while. I am sorry if any of you have worried. It has been a difficult time for me both at home and work.

After the first of the year my family went through a trauma of sorts. Some extreme personal differences erupted between my parents and I. The end result being, I left the family business. All of this happened while I was still recovering from the effects of coming off of my pain medication.

Since then I have been struggling with major depression and anxiety. Trying to build a new business and maintain my recovery. Needless to say it has been tough.

My doc put me on Prozac which enabled me to get up off of the floor. I still struggled with doing something, anything productive. Each day was a battle. I couldn't focus on anything. Prayer, recovery, work, family, whatever. A friend told me that if you are taking antidepressants and you are still depressed you are probably bi-polar. "Yeah dude what-ever" I said. "Denial!" I had seen so many in recovery diagnosed with bi-polar I didn't want anything to do with it. Lithium? No way not me!

I blew it off for a week or so and then I started getting desperate. I looked up the symptoms and went, oh. I set an appointment for my psychiatrist. He put me on lamictal. I am building up the dosage right now, but I feel normal again. He hasn't officially diagnosed me, however if it looks like a duck it probably is.

The icing on the cake is that I can focus again. That is the real miracle. I feel connected with God, my program, and my family. I finished reprocessing my "traumas" with a new fourth step today and feel better than I have in weeks.

So, I hope to be back more consistantly and to not be so freaking serious about everything.

Aloha

Larry

Bronchitis

Havn't been on in quite some time. Sorry, Lisa and I have been down with bronchitis for seven days. No fun.

The first coupla days were fever, chills, teeth-chattering chills. Hacking nasty rattle your chest cough. Both of us. We have definitely learned to get along better. Both us in bed dying for a week.

Friday we went to the Doc. I got a shot, antibiotics and cough syrup. Lisa got the same, minus the shot (chicken!).

We are still pretty ill. But hopefully in the morning we will wake up feeling much better.

God Bless

Larry

BirthLight

I apologize whole-heartedly for not posting for a day or so. Things have been a bit hectic around here the last day or so. So I thought I would take the time to introduce my newest family member.

Mikala Dawn Juliano

She was born Saturday March the 2nd around 10:30 am.

Of course I am a guy so she weighed 7lbs and some change.

I am not an advocate for being in the "room" at all. I watched the kids in the waiting room.

I did get to hold her about 45 minutes after she showed up.

I am pleased to announce my fear of holding newborns is gone! I am thinking of starting a new small group for that.

She will be my 7th girl to take care of in our home.

Donations are appreciated! LOL!

RiverLight

When

I was held up in chains

The river was free

When I was covered in stains

The river was clean

When I was losing my way

The river found me

I can see the river

I can feel the river

I'm letting go of all

I hold onto

Let it wash away

When we were broken inside

The river was love

When we were thirsty and dry

You were more than enough

When we were drowning in lies

The river saved us

I can see the river

I can feel the river

I'm letting go of all

I hold onto

Let it wash away

I'm dancing in the river

And I'll be here forever

I'm letting go of everything but You

Carry me away, Carry me away...

Carry me away, Carry me away

Carry me away, Carrie me away,

I can see the river

It's washin' me away

My life is in the river

And I'll be here forever

Letting go of all I hold on to

Can you see the river

Are you standing in the river?

Are you letting go of everything?

Everything?

But You

The River, written by Chris Tomlin and Louie Giglio

This is an awesome song. Hope you enjoy!

Larry

Life, Annoying Ain't It?

O my gosh, is there anything more frustrating than helping an add kid to do a book report? Especially when it is their first one and they have no idea how to put concepts together?

How about having one of your step kids move back in after they broke up with their boyfriend?

Even better! How about having your other daughter who is over nine months pregnant do nothing but gripe and moan!

Let's not forget the other five girls in the house whining, fighting, and making messes.

AAARRRGHHHH! Kumbaya anyone? Ohmm Ohhmmm Ohhmmmm, incense?.

Let us not forget my part in this. I have been calm, cool and collected right?

Whatever dude! I have added to this chaos by repeatedly going from zero to 60 in like a nano-second every 20 minutes or so. I'm as regular as old faithful.

Serenity prayer? Forget it. Call my sponser? too aggravated. Leave the house for a bit? Wife already did. (smart girl) So I'm Stuck.

Oh well, deep breath. Ahhhh, it'l do in a pinch. Thank God I don't do like I used to do. Smoke, drink, use drugs.

I am truly blessed that my worst days now are so much better than my best day was back then.

What is that love is patient verse?

Life is good.

Larry

Child-Like Work Out

K, little personal update. Life has been going well. January was a struggle along with half of February.

I have been struggling with depression. Probably because my brain was freaking out from all the changes. Coming off the pills etc. I had been taking an anti-depressant since October. After I got out of the hospital in December it quit working. I wasn't sure what was going on. I had also been gaining a big ol chunk of weight in a small amount of time. I mean like two waist sizes.

Hello! turns out the anti-depressant can cause weight gain. Nice, anyway I chunked em'. I figured since they weren't working anyway what did I have to lose? (disclaimer, this doesn't mean you should stop taking yours without checking with your Doc.)

I have been getting better each day since stopping. I am motivated again. I can actually make it out the door each day excited about working.

Now that I am not so out of it, I have been biking again and trying to get back in shape. Saturday I actually leaned over and stretched into touching my toes for the first time since my the car wreck. Pretty cool eh? I was excited!

Everyday now I try to get home early enough to bike ride with my daughter. Yesterday we rode for two hours. Today we did the same except we hit muddy trails. Fun, fun.

Anyway we ended up at a little playground and jumped off our bikes. Then it hit me, when I was a kid I was always going. I was always in shape, so I decided I would follow her around and do what ever she did. If nothing else she'd get a kick out of it. Oh my gosh, up the ladders down the slides, round the corners, up the rock wall. I even rode the springy horse thingy (for guys I don't recomend this one, too painful.) I chased her around for thirty minutes and then we had a dirt fight. What a blast, for me and her.

Thank God I am getting closer to where I was physically before the wreck. I am ecstatic that all the stuff I have been through has done nothing but improve my relationship with Christ, and made me a much better person. I give him mighty praise for what I have learned since October 10th 2004.

Jeremiah 30, 17 I will give you back your health and heal your wounds.

Not only has he restored my body but my mind as well.

He will yours too. Whatever the issue.

Larry

The World's Hatred

"When the world hates you, remember it hated me before it hated you. The world would love you if you belonged to it, but you don't. I chose you to come out of the world, and so it hates you. Do you remember what I told you? ' A servant is not greater than the master.' Since they persecuted me, naturally they will persecute you. And if they had listened to Me, they would listen to you! The people of the world will hate you because you belong to Me, for they don't know God who sent me. They would not be guilty if I had not come and spoken to them. But now they have no excuse for their sin. Anyone who hates me hates my Father, too. if I hadn't done such miraculous signs among them that no one else could do, they would not be counted guilty. But as it is, they saw all that I did and yet hated both of us - Me and My Father. This has fulfilled the scripture: 'They hated Me without cause.'

John 15, 16-25

As the world moves forward, is it any wonder the hatred for Christ and therefore christians becomes more virulant? I was completely blown away when I read what the bloggers of John Edward's campaign were posting. I had seriously considered linking to the blog but I was so disgusted by the posts, I decided not to make it too easy for them to get more traffic.

Hey, we are still seemingly a free country so post all you want. Be as vile and insulting to others and their beliefs as you need to be. What really bothers me is that the Edward's campaign would even hire these people to begin with. It is their right too I suppose. Unbelievable.

As for the Bloggers? Do they stand alone? Of course not, we have a political party dedicated to the removal of God everywhere. All you have to do is turn on your TV and be bombarded by sex, alchohol, perversion, crime, disaster, and devastation. The attacks grow fiercer each day. Sin is cunning, baffling, and worst of all patient.

We are told to pray for our enemies. Not scorn and insult them. I truly pray for these women to come to know the true love of Christ. I pray the scales will fall from their eyes.

Beloved, do you not see?

All that is written is becoming fullfilled. We are at war, not with people or principalities but with the evil one. It is now more than ever important to be in prayer for your fellow man.

Put on the whole armor of God.

The Harvest is here.

Larry

For more information on the bloggers.

Amazing Grace

I love to be able to come here and post about Amazing Grace. It is odd how somethings just, I don't know, come together throughout the day?

Chris Tomlin's latest album See the Morning has an awsome version of Amazing Grace. I love this song it never fails to move me. This version is called Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone). Wow, talk about moving. He reinserted the original last verse of the song and threw in an extra chorus.

My Chains are gone I've been set free

My God my savior

Has ransomed me

And like a flood

His mercy reigns

Unending Love, Amazing Grace

Amazing Grace is never far from my mind. I know exactly where I come from and How God saved me. Especially today. Today is the four year anniversery of the last day I used drugs and alchohol. He broke my chains and set me free from the slavery of addiction. Valentine's day will always be emancipation day for me.

Amazing Grace the Movie! Yes the movie and it looks really good. I am not going into a lot of detail you can check it out yourself. The movie is about antislavery pioneer William Wilberforce. He was one of the primary agitators in England striving and succeeding to have the slave trade abolished in the British Isles. Wilberforce actually met with John Newton the saved wretch who wrote Amazing Grace!

See how this stuff runs together?

Is it coincidence beloved? Or something deeper?

This is the original as written version of Amazing Grace.

Amazing Grace how sweet the sound!

That sav'd a wretch like me!

I once was lost, but now am found,

Was blind, but now I see.

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,

And grace my fears reliev'd;

How precious did that grace appear,

The hour I first believ'd!

Thro' many dangers, toils and snare,

I have already come;

'Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,

and grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me.

His word my hope secures;

He will my shield and portion be,

As long as life endures.

Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,

And mortal life shall cease;

I shall profess, within the vail,

A life of joy and peace.

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,

The sun forbear to shine;

But God, who call'd me here below,

Will be for ever mine.

I love the last verse.

Blessings!

Larry

How Great is Our God

How Great is Our God? How mighty! How complicated, How indescribable?

Our CR group went to see Chris Tomlin and Matt Redman here in Houston Saturday night.

What a great show! It met and exceeded all expectations. Three hours of praise and worship with two of the most prolific christian songwriters. I have never been to a concert where I literally knew the words to every song sung!

A man named Louie Giglio spoke too. I had never heard of him before and wow what a talk he gave.

I'm going to break it down a bit. As best I can.

The name of the talk of course was How Great is Our God. Fitting since that is the name of the concert tour.

Psalms 33:6 The Lord merely spoke, and the heavens were created. He breathed the Word and all the stars were born.

Another translation is that God Breathed the stars.

Louie then compared the earth to the sun in size. The gist was that in comparison the earth is a golf ball compared to the sun.

He went on to compare other, even bigger stars to the size of the earth like Canis Major (the dogstar).

In other words beloved, these stars that he breathed, or spoke into existance were huge!

When scientists pointed the Hubble Telescope into the black hole in the center of the milkyway galaxy this was the picture.

Awesome!

Then to show the intricacy of God and how perfectly he designed us Louie broke it down to the sub-atomic peptides called laminin. Laminin is the foundational glue that hold our cells together.

No matter how awesome He is. Despite all He has done and will do. He loves us no matter what. He loves us so much that He gave us His Son as Sacrifice for our sins.

How Great Is Our God Indeed!

Larry

Wild Kingdom

Sorry to have been slack in posting! I got busy, I isolated. Then I had to go to San Antonio to write business. I hate it when that happens.

At a recent Celebrate Recovery Meeting, (not my own) the person giving the lesson talked about how he loved to watch the Wild Kingdom type shows. Specifically he liked watching the lions take down the water buffalo.

See, waterbuffalo move in herds. As long as they stick together it is very difficult for the lions to break in and take down an animal. If however, a buffalo gets away from the herd they become easy pickings for the lions.

The point beloved, is that us humans are not meant to be alone.

At that point it came to me. Satan is considered to be like a stalking, raging lion ready to devour his prey.

Recovery is really like this. We are safer staying plugged into others. I was really impressed by this. Sunday morning I was telling my pastor about this.

So he begins to tell me he has studied lions. Really? He goes on to say that the only real rival to the lion is, the waterbuffalo! Due to it's size, hooves, horns, and thick skin. Kind of like how the Triceratops was natural rival to the T-rex.

Guess who satan's natural rival is? Humans, he wants to destroy us. We have the defense of our Holy Father. We have only to cry out to him in the Name of Jesus.

Cool!

Larry

Isaiah 6 1-7

I saw the Lord. Seated on a lofty throne, and the train of His robe filled the Temple.

Around Him were angels, with six mighty wings. With two they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet,and with two they fly, and sing.

Holy holy holy is the Lord almighty!

The whole earth is filled with His Glory.

The Glorious singing shook the Temple to it's foundations, and the entire sanctuary was filled with smoke.

Then I said "Whoa is me for I am ruined. For I am unclean and so are all my kind. For my eyes have seen the King, The Lord Almighty.

Then one of the angels flew over to the altar, and he picked up a buning coal with a pair of tongs. He touched my lips and said "Now your guilt is removed and your sins are forgiven".

Can you imagine? Isaiah saw God in all His glory! How difficult is that to get your mind around? It is not even something I can comprehend. Can you?

Larry

PeaceLight

The peace that passes all understanding. I never really understood that until now.

I am not only a believer who struggles with addiction and co-dependency, I am also a believer who struggles with adhd (attention deficit hyperactive disorder). Say that three times fast!

My brain never wants to shut down. It is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going and going and well, you get the picture.

All of my recent trauma has served one primary purpose. To bring me closer to Christ. As the dust has settled I find myself surrendering to his will on a daily basis. Let me rephrase that. I find myself paying attention to his will for me on a daily basis. I am trying to incorporate some of the things we read about and talk about and are preached to about, but struggle with implementing.

1. Reading my bible more.

2. Praying unceasingly.

3. Keeping Him in my mind at all times.

4. Giving my family the same energy I give the church.

5. Meditating on His Word.

6. Asking His will before I do it.

7. Praying more.

These are just a few and all are works in progress. I do some better than others. I did make a commitment to not watch tv this week, and am spending the time either with my family or in bible or step study.

I am trying to get my brain off of local thinking and onto eternal thinking.

It is a big step I know. But with the guidance of the Holy Spirit I can take it.

Larry

BrokenLight

Hallelujah! God is good!

We will never know the mystery of God and why. One day perhaps, when standing before his throne we could ask.

Friday night's meeting was beauty personified. A real experience in the Holy Spirit.

We admit we are powerless over our addictive and compulsive behaviors and that our lives are unmanageble.
That is the first step.

But, are we truly powerless? Yes, without Christ we truly are. But with we aren't. "If God is for us who can be against us?"

One of our members has been out. Out using, drinking, whatever. We have all been praying for his safe return. Friday night he returned. I know what your thinking, how long will it last and is it real? All I can say is that in our men's small group he was well and truly broken and convicted by the Holy Spirit. This is not a man who crys in front of others. There was electricity in the air.

We were blessed to be there. There wasn't one of us who hadn't experienced brokenness on that level. It was a beautiful thing to see. Will he stay sober? I hope. But for now he is where he should be. Powerless and trusting God.

We are all powerless and that's ok if, we are saved by Grace in Christ Jesus.

Romans 8:26-27

Likewise the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for us according to the will of God.

Rejoice for the joy of the Lord is going to be our strength!

Beautiful

Larry

The 12 Steps and Their Biblical Comparisons Part II

Step One
We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable

I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.
Romans 7:18

Step Two

We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose.
Philippians 2:13

Step Three
We made a decision to turn our wills and our lives over to the care of God.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God — this is your spiritual act of worship.
Romans 12:1

Step Four
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD. Lamentations 3:40

Step Five
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.
James 5:16

Step Six
We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
James 4:10

Step Seven

Humbly asked Him to remove all our shortcomings.

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9

Step Eight

We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

Do to others as you would have them do to you.
Luke 6:31

Step Nine

We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.
Matthew 5:23-24

Step 10
We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!
1 Corinthians 10:12

Step 11

We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and power to carry that out.

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly.
Colossians 3:16

Step 12

Having had a spiritual experience as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.

Galatians 6:1

WisdomLight

1 Corinthians 1:18 - 20

I know very well how foolish the message of the Cross sounds to those who are on the road to destruction. But we who are being saved recognize this message as the very power of God. As the Scriptures say

"I will destroy human wisdom

and discard their most brilliant ideas"

So where does this leave the philosophers, the scholars and the worlds brilliant debaters? God has made them all look foolish and has shown their wisdom to be foolish nonsense.

Next time we go thinking how smart we are remember this. Next time we go linking to brilliance remember this.

Larry

WinterLight

Old man winter blows through Texas. Leaving a frosty wake in his path. Everywhere that is, except the Houston area. Oh to be sure it's cold but wet. I lived in Colorado Springs once, it snowed on Labor Day. When I was a kid my grandaddy Hicks lived in Plainview, Texas. I have pictures of three year old me in the snow. I have friends who go skiing every year who have a blast playing in the wintry mix. Why not me for once?

I'll tell you.

1. It's cold.

2. It burns your skin when it slips down your collar.

3. It causes wrecks (specially when folks have no idea how to drive here)

4. Snow angels? Snowmen? They aren't near as easy to make as it looks.

5. Snowball fights? Too painful.

6. People have heart attacks shoveling snow.

7. When I lived in North Carolina I had to crawl into my car through the hatchback. (the doors were froze shut.)

These are just a few. I could go on but why should I?

I will just live vicariously through others who like the snow. Then I can see nice pictures and romanticize the cold from a distance.

Larry

WitnessLight

Breakthrough! attitude change, faith change, thinking change.

I have always been hesitant about sharing faith on a personal level. Fear of judgement I guess, people thinking I'm crazy etc. Since my recent adventure in recovery from pain medication I have noticed a distinct difference.
I believe everthing happens for a reason. I believe God has used this time in my life to draw me closer to him. I go to him now with unreserved abandon. There are still lots of things I need to improve on and I pray for guidance everyday.


Which brings me back to sharing faith. While at church Wednesday night some folks came up to attend a Narcotics Anonymous meeting. Unfortunately that meeting Wednesday night ended a year ago. I spoke with them, gave them the information they needed on the other meetings in the area. One of them was staying in a local motel paid for by his family. I agreed to ferry him to the Thursday night meeting. I prayed for God to give me an opportunity to witness and for what to say.


When the opportunity came I took it. I shared a bit of my story, gave him a bible, and asked him if I could pray for him. He allowed and I did. Tonight he is coming to our Celebrate Recovery meeting.


I didn't even break a sweat. It has always been easy to write about Jesus here, or to talk about Him at CR but on a one on one level it has always been difficult. Thank God he gave me the courage.

The Freedom we have in Christ is something we must share like He did, on a personal level.



I'm Glad I did.



Larry

TrustLight

This is a devotional I recieve from Purpose Driven Life. Written by John Fischer, like everthing else lately things seem to ring a mighty bell with what is going on in my life. Especially the asking for help part.


January 10, 2007

‘I thirst’by John Fischer


“Please give me a drink.” (John 4:7)


We worship a God who became a vulnerable human being. Superman took kryptonite. Samson let his hair be cut. Jack Frost relinquished his wintry powers to become the town tailor. Jesus got thirsty. It’s a story that is played out not only in history, but in fantasy, legend, and mythology – someone with supernatural powers gives up those powers to become human and it is always done for one reason: love. That was God’s reason. “But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.” (Romans 5:8)


And yet Jesus did more than just come to die. He also came to live as a human being. And that’s how it came to be that the God who made the heavens and the earth, including the clouds that bring water to a thirsty land, wound up at the well of Jacob asking a Samaritan woman for a drink. She had something he needed. He gave her worth by asking her for it. Due to tradition and culture, he should have had nothing to do with this woman. As it turned out, he ended up revealing to her his identity as the Messiah –something he did not do that directly to anyone for the rest of his ministry on earth.


Love always makes you vulnerable. There’s no way you can love and not expose yourself in some way or give something up. Love and need go together. God’s love compelled him to do what he did because that very love created in him a need for us. By creating us he also created in himself a place for us, and that need was reflected many times through the life of Christ.
Jesus Christ didn’t die for us because it made for good theology, he died for us because he loved us, lost us to sin, and gave himself up to buy us back. By doing this, he had to become vulnerable to the very system he created, that we might see how true love behaves. There is a death in love, and that death is the death of self. Jesus died to love us; we die as well in order to love and serve others. And part of that is in being vulnerable.


Sometimes the best thing we can do for someone is ask for help. Jesus asked the woman for a drink and three years later, he was asking for the same thing from the cross –symbolic of the vulnerability he placed himself into for the whole human race. Being vulnerable to those you love is a big part of love itself."




Humility comes to mind. For me, it is very difficult to ask for help and lately I have had to ask for it a lot. Not financial so much but just to be trusting to others to get the advice I have really needed recently. It is never easy to trust when you feel you have been betrayed by people whom you should never expect betrayal from.

TrustLight


Larry

Light in the Storm

Hope you like the new format! I finally took the plunge and updated. You know how it is, we in recovery sometimes fear change.

I thought I would take a moment to reflect and share a bit of my recent experience detoxing off of the poison I was on for so long.

Heavenlight

I must warn you, my journaling skills were not up to snuff.

God's promise: "I will give you back your health again and heal your wounds." Jeremiah 30:17 TLB

December 26th, 2006

This sux! This totally Sux! Detox Sux! I ache, my fingertips feel like they are going to pop off. I have to run to the bathroom every five minutes. I miss my family. It's too quiet in my room, they took my IPOD. I am not a person who likes to be alone with my own thoughts! I just want to heal, detox and leave! I love all the people who called today to check on me. (Before I checked in.) Ok too achy will write later.

December 27th, 2006

Ok, today is a bit better (meds kicking in) I did not sleep well last night. I had weird dreams, tossed and turned and went to the bathroom a lot. I prayed a lot when I couldn't sleep in all pretty miserable. They came in at 6 am and took blood. Shortly there after they gave me meds, vitamins and clonidine. Yesterday they gave me a clonidine patch to put on my shoulder. I went and had breakfast. I really didn't talk to anyone takes too much energy. I am very tired. I napped for an hour or so. Best sleep I have had since I got here. I woke up with terrible diarrea. I am totally exhausted. I missed group. Brenda, one of the nurses told me my wife had called. Omgosh I missed her last night and this morning. I came back in my room, started feeling blue and the Lord blessed me with his presence. I was praying, and everthing got still and quiet, I stopped shaking. He told me "I am your Rock, your Shield, your Very Present help in time of need." I cried. So I'm waiting here for 11:30 I'm gonna call my wife eat lunch and go to the meeting. I hope I have enough energy. Honesty

These are my exact journal entries. A tad edited, I didn't want to overwhelm anyone with too much personal info.

I have a few more entries I will add later. At times I was so miserable all I could do was pray Isaiah 6 over and over. Holy, holy is the Lord Almighty.

In my darkest hour he was there.

I understand praise in the storm like never before.

Larry

TruthLight

Finally, the year, the surgery, everything, has come full circle. I have to humbly make amends to all of you. I have been out of it lately, most of you know that. I have had trouble making this public.

One, you never know when something like this may bite you on the can ten years from now. Two, I was trying to hang on to a shred of anonymity.

If some of you were paying attention y'all know exactly what was going on. December 26th I had to have medical help to get off the freakin' pain pills I had been on since November of last year. Why you ask? Car wreck in 04 and then surgery in May of 06. I knew in October I was going to need a hand. I tried several times on my own... Wasn't happening. Not a good thing. I needed medical help to detox.

Sunday was my first really good day since December 26th when I took my last pill. My recovery from surgery was not as hard as getting the poison out of my system.

This has been a great experience. Despite the pain withdrawal and the purging I have drawn much closer to God. I am on fire again for my mission, and what He wants me to do.

I feel alive again.

So I want to make amends to those who have worried without explanation.

Forgive me and thank you for your prayers.

Larry