Its the Relationship, Stupid

This year my wife and I have been together 21 years. Sometimes it seems like yesterday, others, forever. We have lived through the earthquakes and joys that bring a couple closer together and rip them apart. We have been on the ragged edge of split up many times and we have shared the amazing moments of joy that combine you so hard into one person, we might as well be a confluence of beings. These are my perceptions.

 Marriage is awesome! Sharing your life with the one you love is one of the greatest things in the universe. You share: God, sunshine, a home, love, children, puppy dogs, rainbows, long trips into the unknown, the purist sex, laughter, joy, family, and hilarity. 

Feel free to add your own.

Marriage is hard work: storms, long work hours, tension, stress, stupidity, anger, resentment, dry spells,bile, death, accidents, judgement, fear, jealousy, nagging, being an ass, and broken dishes, again, feel free to add your own.

Your spouse is capable of being Superman, or Mother Theresa,  Tasmanian Devil, or Oj Simpson, sometimes, a combination. My wife and I fight as passionately as we love.

When God is our focal point the fighting is a lot less.

What about you?

Larry

Christmas Gratitude

Normally, New Year's Eve is the time for annual reflection but when the mood strikes the mood strikes. To say this year has been a struggle would be an understatement.

My mother-in-law, Aletha, has been on hospice care for the last year and her condition has been an emotional roller-coaster ride for my wife, her sisters, and all of us. 

Alexis, our fourteen year old has struggled emotionally as she evolves into a young woman. With all the ups and downs of teen-age hood. 

Finally, the disaster of my accident and five month recovery period.  

With God's blessings I have recovered almost totally and managed to graduate from LeTourneau. My wife, Lisa is as beautiful and warm spirited as ever. Lex is doing well, and Aletha seems to be ok for now. 

I am so grateful for all my family and friends without whom we could not have survived. We are so blessed. 

God is So Good!

Merry Christmas

Larry

New Beginnings

I hope everybody likes the new settings of Hallelujahs. There will be more to come in this revamping of my blog. It has been too long since I have given it the attention it deserves.

I appreciate all of you guys who have stuck with me so long, and I am grateful for all of the new friends I have met since beginning in 2006. It has been a long wonderful road and I hope my bipolar rants on life, recovery, and my poor attempts at being political, have struck a chord somewhere.

Its funny, at one time I thought this would be a political blog, but I found I didn't  have the desire to add to the flotsam and jetsam already out there.

So, I will stick to what I know best, recovery, my crazy life, and the blessings God has given me in the good times and bad. I have recently added a direct feed to twitter, facebook, and rss. Yikes! this means I will have to start writing a lot more!. I hope to make new friends, find new blogs to enjoy, and continue to share my sick sense of humor.

Over the next few weeks I will be adjusting my blogroll and tweaking other things.

I could not be here today if it weren't for God placing all of you in my life.

Thanks!

Larry

White Knuckle Rafting

I have a confession to make.

I have really blown it this year.

Between school, life, and my own recalcitrant nature, I have completely let my recovery fall by the wayside like a hitch-hiker dissapating in the rearview mirror.

Lack of program + not being a part of something greater than myself has left me bailing water from a cardboard boat in the middle of some giant rapids.

My reaction to life in most cases is panic. And I have found myself hiding from me and my God in an attempt to somehow make it right. Of course this does nothing but worsen the problem.

Life is hidden with rocky shoals and I have done nothing less than chunked my paddle overboard. My knuckles seem to be permanently white.

I have finally recognized this and am taking steps (get it "steps") to rectify where I have gone wrong.

Anyone have a tow-rope?

I know who does.

Larry

Psalm 13

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me, forever?

How long will You hide Your face from me?

How Long must I wrestle with my

Thoughts,

And everyday have sorrow in my heart?

How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, O Lord, my God.

Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"

and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in Your unfailing love;

my heart rejoices in Your salvation.

I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.

Another one of those "here is where I am today."

Hmm, I caught the slide this time. I cannot do this on my own. I can't do it at all.

Only Him.

Larry

Incarnational Ministry

School is really incredible. I get to learn and be spritually fed at the same time. I have already learned new concepts in ministry that just boggle my mind.

Incarnational ministry is nothing new. I have had snippets of the concept, and in the back of my head had it rolling around but could never make it cohesive. It is still rambling around up there and always will be.

My thoughts so far on what I have learned. Incarnational ministry is what Jesus did. The word becoming flesh. Jesus basically went to the people, he met them where and how they lived.


This is what we should be practicing today except we wall ourselves in to our churches and do "outreach", which is good but, not enough. We are essentially building walls around our comfort zones.

We go to church get our worship and lesson time. Maybe we go wednesday night and have food, fellowship, and fun. We tend to each other's needs spiritually and physically. What about the rest of the world?

Remember, my thinking on this is in the infant stage, and nothing I am saying here is new. I am fleshing out my thoughts. Some of you will say, cool! I never thought of this and some of you will go DUH!

Most churches I have attended or seen operate on a build it or lose it principle. There is always expansion. They construct new gyms, worship centers, nurseries or kidzones. These things are cool and they show that christians can fellowship and have fun outside of this nutty sinful world. However, how does this satisfy the great commandment?

I have no idea. I haven't gotten to that class yet.

Celebrate Recovery is the same. We post flyers, get in the newspapers have events but we are still drawing people not going to them. CR prison ministries do just that but for a lot of local churches it is attraction that brings folks in. Sometimes people bring friends, and we get to fellowship in small groups about our hurts habits and hang-ups. How does this "take it to the streets like Jesus did?


I am not speaking of missions overseas. Most of these brave, called individuals are trained to go amongst the people and cultures of where they are at. (did I just use the word amongst?)


What about here in the great USA?


How do we get to that guy who goes to work, comes home, and plops down in front of the Tv or X-Box? He never sees the light of day.

What about the lost woman who's reason for living is to find companionship that never works out, or the lost who know they aren't, living right but have no idea of an alternative other than Oprah, or Dr. Phil.

It is a culture of self, they see nothing but what is in front of their faces. There is no hope. I know because I lived like this for years. Finding solace in the party that never satisfies.


How do we take it to them?



Larry

Eternity

Ecclesiastes 3-11

God has planted eternity in the human heart.

How do we fathom this? God has planted eternity in our hearts. It means that each of us, no matter where we are from. No matter what our culture, He has done this for all of human-kind.

Paul tells us in Romans that people instinctively know about God. He has placed this knowledge in our hearts as well.

In my life I denied this for years. Things were wrong, and I could never quite put my finger on what it was. My lifestyle was fueled by the weekend. The never ending I owed it to myself whether I deserved it or not. Then Monday morning "welcome back to reality."

Self medication with a prescription of lies and fears with a dose of as needed, leaves you lost in the world. This place we live in with it's decieving beauty is empty without God. We can see what he has created but, without him it is hollow, nothing. We see without seeing. We know but don't. Going through the motions.

I knew my life was wrong. A disaster, with a gulf of no hope. Hope is like sight. You don't know what's missing until you recieve it. The last time I visited the eye doctor he changed my contacts. I tried the new lenses and "wow!" I can see!

I had no idea my lack of hope until I had it.

In Christ I'll have it for eternity.

Larry

Crossroads

Up, down. Up down. You know it is really cool that I finally know what I'm dealing with in my Life. I recognize the cycles of mania and depression.

Stuff makes sense now. Changes will have to be made. Commission sales may not be the best thing for me anymore.

What to do? I have been praying for The Lord to open another door for me. Stability would be a good thing.

I am coming to a crossroads. Which way do I go?

God will tell me. If I shut up and listen.

Larry

Making Sense

Moments of clarity. The light bulb comes on. Something clicks, and suddenly you get it.

How does this happen? How do we get away from the foundational things Jesus has given us? Then suddenly we get it again?

I know what I have to do in my life, but dang it, I don't. I know what He wants from me, I fight.

The verse in the song Hold Me Jesus is so me.

"I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want than to take what You give that I need."

I am like grandpa's mule who needed a two by four to get him moving. The call is there but I will not pick up the phone. I will not listen to the messages either because I don't want to hear them. So they pile up.

Paul said it best.

"I know that nothing good lives in me. That is my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is right, but I cannot carry it out.

I don't want to be blinded to get it. I don't want to be swallowed by a fish either.

I better shut up and know He is God.

I want to thank Shirley Buxton for awarding me the Thinking Blogger Award. It means a lot coming from her. I admire her writing a great deal and for her to say I write beautifully was a wonderful compliment. Even more is her support and her prayers. So watch out fellow bloggers this award will be coming to five blogs that really make me go "hmmm." (I can't help being a cornball.)

The history behind this award can be found here.

Larry

Amazing Grace

I love to be able to come here and post about Amazing Grace. It is odd how somethings just, I don't know, come together throughout the day?

Chris Tomlin's latest album See the Morning has an awsome version of Amazing Grace. I love this song it never fails to move me. This version is called Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone). Wow, talk about moving. He reinserted the original last verse of the song and threw in an extra chorus.

My Chains are gone I've been set free

My God my savior

Has ransomed me

And like a flood

His mercy reigns

Unending Love, Amazing Grace

Amazing Grace is never far from my mind. I know exactly where I come from and How God saved me. Especially today. Today is the four year anniversery of the last day I used drugs and alchohol. He broke my chains and set me free from the slavery of addiction. Valentine's day will always be emancipation day for me.

Amazing Grace the Movie! Yes the movie and it looks really good. I am not going into a lot of detail you can check it out yourself. The movie is about antislavery pioneer William Wilberforce. He was one of the primary agitators in England striving and succeeding to have the slave trade abolished in the British Isles. Wilberforce actually met with John Newton the saved wretch who wrote Amazing Grace!

See how this stuff runs together?

Is it coincidence beloved? Or something deeper?

This is the original as written version of Amazing Grace.

Amazing Grace how sweet the sound!

That sav'd a wretch like me!

I once was lost, but now am found,

Was blind, but now I see.

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,

And grace my fears reliev'd;

How precious did that grace appear,

The hour I first believ'd!

Thro' many dangers, toils and snare,

I have already come;

'Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,

and grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me.

His word my hope secures;

He will my shield and portion be,

As long as life endures.

Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,

And mortal life shall cease;

I shall profess, within the vail,

A life of joy and peace.

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,

The sun forbear to shine;

But God, who call'd me here below,

Will be for ever mine.

I love the last verse.

Blessings!

Larry

How Great is Our God

How Great is Our God? How mighty! How complicated, How indescribable?

Our CR group went to see Chris Tomlin and Matt Redman here in Houston Saturday night.

What a great show! It met and exceeded all expectations. Three hours of praise and worship with two of the most prolific christian songwriters. I have never been to a concert where I literally knew the words to every song sung!

A man named Louie Giglio spoke too. I had never heard of him before and wow what a talk he gave.

I'm going to break it down a bit. As best I can.

The name of the talk of course was How Great is Our God. Fitting since that is the name of the concert tour.

Psalms 33:6 The Lord merely spoke, and the heavens were created. He breathed the Word and all the stars were born.

Another translation is that God Breathed the stars.

Louie then compared the earth to the sun in size. The gist was that in comparison the earth is a golf ball compared to the sun.

He went on to compare other, even bigger stars to the size of the earth like Canis Major (the dogstar).

In other words beloved, these stars that he breathed, or spoke into existance were huge!

When scientists pointed the Hubble Telescope into the black hole in the center of the milkyway galaxy this was the picture.

Awesome!

Then to show the intricacy of God and how perfectly he designed us Louie broke it down to the sub-atomic peptides called laminin. Laminin is the foundational glue that hold our cells together.

No matter how awesome He is. Despite all He has done and will do. He loves us no matter what. He loves us so much that He gave us His Son as Sacrifice for our sins.

How Great Is Our God Indeed!

Larry

The 12 Steps and Their Biblical Comparisons Part II

Step One
We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable

I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.
Romans 7:18

Step Two

We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose.
Philippians 2:13

Step Three
We made a decision to turn our wills and our lives over to the care of God.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God — this is your spiritual act of worship.
Romans 12:1

Step Four
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD. Lamentations 3:40

Step Five
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.
James 5:16

Step Six
We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
James 4:10

Step Seven

Humbly asked Him to remove all our shortcomings.

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9

Step Eight

We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

Do to others as you would have them do to you.
Luke 6:31

Step Nine

We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.
Matthew 5:23-24

Step 10
We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!
1 Corinthians 10:12

Step 11

We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and power to carry that out.

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly.
Colossians 3:16

Step 12

Having had a spiritual experience as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.

Galatians 6:1

WisdomLight

1 Corinthians 1:18 - 20

I know very well how foolish the message of the Cross sounds to those who are on the road to destruction. But we who are being saved recognize this message as the very power of God. As the Scriptures say

"I will destroy human wisdom

and discard their most brilliant ideas"

So where does this leave the philosophers, the scholars and the worlds brilliant debaters? God has made them all look foolish and has shown their wisdom to be foolish nonsense.

Next time we go thinking how smart we are remember this. Next time we go linking to brilliance remember this.

Larry

WitnessLight

Breakthrough! attitude change, faith change, thinking change.

I have always been hesitant about sharing faith on a personal level. Fear of judgement I guess, people thinking I'm crazy etc. Since my recent adventure in recovery from pain medication I have noticed a distinct difference.
I believe everthing happens for a reason. I believe God has used this time in my life to draw me closer to him. I go to him now with unreserved abandon. There are still lots of things I need to improve on and I pray for guidance everyday.


Which brings me back to sharing faith. While at church Wednesday night some folks came up to attend a Narcotics Anonymous meeting. Unfortunately that meeting Wednesday night ended a year ago. I spoke with them, gave them the information they needed on the other meetings in the area. One of them was staying in a local motel paid for by his family. I agreed to ferry him to the Thursday night meeting. I prayed for God to give me an opportunity to witness and for what to say.


When the opportunity came I took it. I shared a bit of my story, gave him a bible, and asked him if I could pray for him. He allowed and I did. Tonight he is coming to our Celebrate Recovery meeting.


I didn't even break a sweat. It has always been easy to write about Jesus here, or to talk about Him at CR but on a one on one level it has always been difficult. Thank God he gave me the courage.

The Freedom we have in Christ is something we must share like He did, on a personal level.



I'm Glad I did.



Larry