Its the Relationship, Stupid

This year my wife and I have been together 21 years. Sometimes it seems like yesterday, others, forever. We have lived through the earthquakes and joys that bring a couple closer together and rip them apart. We have been on the ragged edge of split up many times and we have shared the amazing moments of joy that combine you so hard into one person, we might as well be a confluence of beings. These are my perceptions.

 Marriage is awesome! Sharing your life with the one you love is one of the greatest things in the universe. You share: God, sunshine, a home, love, children, puppy dogs, rainbows, long trips into the unknown, the purist sex, laughter, joy, family, and hilarity. 

Feel free to add your own.

Marriage is hard work: storms, long work hours, tension, stress, stupidity, anger, resentment, dry spells,bile, death, accidents, judgement, fear, jealousy, nagging, being an ass, and broken dishes, again, feel free to add your own.

Your spouse is capable of being Superman, or Mother Theresa,  Tasmanian Devil, or Oj Simpson, sometimes, a combination. My wife and I fight as passionately as we love.

When God is our focal point the fighting is a lot less.

What about you?

Larry

Hospital

There are a few random memories in the days following the accident. The first was when they hauled me off the chopper and into the hospital. I'm thinking, whatever pain drugs they had given me had worn off. The vibration of the helicopter seeped into every bone I had. Pain radiated outward like tsunami waves crashing into the Japanese coastline. I remember light in my eyes as I transitioned from Lifelight to inside University Hospital in San Antonio, Texas. 

In the meantime, poor Andrew, the lifesaver, had to ride all the way to San Antonio from Leakey, Texas by himself, and he lost his wallet. I'm sure he was moderately freaked out all the way there. I do know for a fact that Andrew is a prayer warrior. I also know that as word got out about my accident people all over the world were praying for me. Prayer requests were launched from my Longview Celebrate Recovery group, Facebook, Twitter, and other social networking sites. My mother is a member of several prayer networking clubs across the world. I was bathed in prayer. 

My wife, Lisa, and her sister Carol were in Pineville, Louisiana taking care of my Mother-in-law. They began  the long trek to San Antonio with a stop in Livingston to pick up Tara, my daughter. Lisa was understandably on the ragged edge of hysteria. The trauma nurse had told her exactly what was wrong with me. My parents, brother, and friends also took off for San Antonio to see how I was and to provide moral and prayer support.

The first memories of the hospital was the doctor rubbing the sole of my foot and asking me if I felt anything. It was a good sign that I did. I was pretty drugged up on some serious morphine. To be honest the entire stay there is a vague memory, dreamy. Snippets are what comes. I remember Lisa and my family were there. My mother helped me through what scared me the most. They had to insert a tube down into my stomach and through my nose. All the meds basically shut down my digestive system. I was throwing up all the time. Including on my wife.

The diagnosis was pretty grim at first. I had three burst fractures in my neck, and two in my back. I had a fractured skull and the right side occipital bone from where I face planted the guardrail (wear your helmet kiddies). The occipital bone is the one that surrounds your eye. My left shoulder and collar bone were broken and to top it off a few ribs on my right side. I told Andrew at the accident site that I was only doing like 20 or 25 miles an hour. His theory is that one of the bungees holding my gear down snapped loose while I was in the curve and that it scared me and I downshifted; you never downshift in a turn. The wind was up that morning and could have shoved me around, there could have been gravel, I could have unexpectedly dragged a peg or I could have target fixated. I have no memory whatsoever of what happened.

They thought I was going to need surgery. They were concerned I had bone fragments on my spinal cord that were causing swelling, they would need to be removed. God was good to me, prayers worked I didn't need it. The doctors fitted me with a lovely brace. It was a turtle shell of epic proportions. I was not allowed out of bed without it. The brace immobilized everything. Lisa had to learn to log roll me in and out of it. She was scared to death, but I had total faith in her. I trusted Lisa implicitly. Trust is a big factor in these things. One wrong move and your paralyzed. Speaking of miracles, I should be dead, or in a wheelchair. My doctor told me my neck broke in a natural laminectomy, a procedure where doctors will break someones neck to relieve pressure on a person's spinal column. The pressure from the accident was relieved. I would walk again. 

My friends and family were amazing. All in all, my dad, brother and his wife, aunts, all made the trek to San Antonio to see me in the Hospital. Andrew was there the whole time and my friends Jordan, Joe, and Marcus came to visit from Longview. They all got to visit the Alamo a must for northerners (Marcus is from Texas). My pastor and his wife came. More surprisingly Bobby Johnson, (the most awesome history prof ever) and his wife visited as well. Gary Ritchey and many more came to offer support and prayers. Sadly, I was so out of it from the accident I don't remember hardly any of it.

I was damaged but going to live. Thanks to God and the thousands of prayers and support from friends and family, Lisa and I were going to be ok. It was going to hurt like hell, but everything was going to be ok.

Next week, Hospital II

Larry

Around that Time

Holy cow, I went back and read all of my blog posts from beginning to end. Three things really stood out to me.

1. I was really inspired.

2. It was easy to see the slide into and out of recovery.

3. Its been four years since I started Hallelujahs.

This is amazing to me. At times I have felt like my blog was an unattended and ungroomed pet. I am so glad to have a record of where I was, where I went, and where I am going.

I feel ashamed that my level of spirituality is nowhere near where it was. The previous post explains some of that. I have developed a blogging routine now. I get up earlier, have coffee, listen to music and just write. It feels pretty good. Next up, visiting my neighbors again!

Larry

My Mother-in-Law

I know, I know, I said I would start posting at least once a week. But as usual the best laid plans do not always come to fruition.

My mother-in-law, Aletha, had a massive stroke about 12 days ago. All three of her arteries were blocked and she suffered massive damage. My wife has been traveling back and forth to Alexandria, Louisiana and we have been juggling job, school, and baby sitting.

I ask for your prayers. Right now the care she is recieving at the hospital itself is not so great, and Aletha is in a lot of pain, and she is suffering. Please pray for her.

Also, please pray for My wife Lisa, her sisters Gail, Carol, and Debbie, and her Brother Bubba. This is a really tough time for all of them. Let God use this time for his purpose.

The other issue is that my laptop died, and for the first time in as long as I can remember I do not have a computer. It will take some time to buy a new one.

So for now I am relying on the computers at school, which is no problem but access is going to be sporadic.

I will post when I can.

Please pray for Aletha, and our family, for peace, strength, and wisdom in this time.

Love you all

Larry

Beauty and Prayer

The last few months or so I have been stumbling into friends from High school, either through Facebook or email updates.

Its awsome in a way but strange too. Some of my old friends I spent 12 years with from Kindygarten on.

The great thing about it is that I can pass on stuggles that need prayer.

Heres one, from Tom Hudson. Please keep his family in your hearts, minds, and prayers. I am posting his email unedited. This is for Baby Sarah Felicity.

I am sorry to be so late in announcing the birth of our precious baby. On May 14th our little Sarah Felicity was born at full term.

She was only 4 lbs 5 oz and 18 in long. She is a very sweet little girl little Sarah has a condition called Trisomy 18 which is a terminal condition. Only 5-10% of babies born with this genetic condition will live to see their first birthday.

By the grace of our dear Lord and the love and care of her family, Sarah is surprising everyone by how well she is doing. I am writing this because Sarah needs our prayers.

In particular, Lena asks for prayers that our little baby will nurse or be strong enough to feed from a bottle on her own. If Sarah is given a feeding tube, the hope is that it will be temporary. The feeding tubes will sometimes cause fatal infections in these infants, so nursing would be a really huge blessing.

Sarah is absolutely adorable, and Lena’s care for her has been remarkable. Along with caring for our 6 children Lena has been going through these last few months on very little sleep and needs prayers, her strength has been remarkable. This is a link to a youtube video about a baby boy with Trisomy 18.

Please ask anyone you know for prayers as this is an incurable disorder and we are praying for a miracle.

God Bless,

Tom Hudson

Please put the Hudson family on all of your prayerlists.

Larry

Love Part II

I recently finished reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller What a fantastic Read! I got so much out of it.

You can read stuff and something clicks that blows your mind. A new way of looking at things.

Here is something that really changed my thinking from reading the book. I am totally relating to what spoke to me as I read. These are not quotes from the book. If it smooshes with it consider it a paraphrase.

You have to completely accept God's Supernatural Love.

I am the greatest in the world at talking down to myself. When I say a bad word. Have lustful thoughts, let my eyes wander, or watch something I shouldn't, I feel guilty to the point of paralyzation. Like Jim Carrey in the movie Liar Liar. You know, the bathroom scene. "Excuse me! Do you mind! I'm Kickin' my own ass!"

Paul tell's us "While we were still sinners Christ died for us." Jesus knows how broken and twisted we are. That's why he did what he did. We were beyond the law. Now we are free!

Shame and guilt can torture us into believing, how could God love us? This is satan seperating us from the Sheperd. Good conviction is a tug, a desire to do better. If you hear, you suck, how could you do that, what is wrong with you, it is of the devil.

All you have to say to remember is, Jesus died for me!


Larry

Love

I loved my morning devotional today.

I thought I would share it with you.


2007/05/11

Loving Out The Fear

by Jon Walker

All of you should be of one mind, full of sympathy toward each other, loving one another with tender hearts and humble minds. (1 Peter 3:8 NLT)

God enables us to love the fear out of one another.
We drive fear from our families and friends by loving one another so supportively that every one feels safe inside the group (1 John 4:18). This safety allows us to bring our humanity into the open, including all our pain and joy, our ups and downs, our victories and defeats.

It means you give to others the same uncommon safety Christ gives you – to be real, to be sad, to be messed up and confused, yet to be loved.

God challenges us to create a Christ-community where we love like our lives depend upon it (1 Peter 1:22) and where we can each “live and move and have our being.” (Acts 17:28)
We’re to weep as one and celebrate as one, caring for each other equally (1 Corinthians 12:25-26) as we comfort and confront, warm and warn, cherish and challenge within an atmosphere of supportive safety.

Loving the fear out of each other requires that we develop:

Tender hearts – We give support to each other because God gives us support, and we’re to encourage others with the encouragement we receive from him. (2 Corinthians 1:4)

In the New Testament, the word ‘support’ can literally mean “to increase one another’s potential.” (Romans 14:19 NJB) We strengthen one another by extending love, instead of fostering fear, and we do that by offering relationships that are safe and sympathetic.

Humble minds –True humility focuses on the worth of others. We understand our value in Christ, and we understand that God shapes each of us for a unique purpose.

Godly eyes – Loving the fear out of our family and friends – in fact, loving the fear out of the world – means we see others for what they can be, not for what they appear to be now. Jesus called Peter a rock when the fisherman was still acting on impulse (Matt. 16:18), and God called Gideon a mighty man of courage when he was hiding from the enemy among piles of grain. (Judges 6:11-12) God calls us to encourage and affirm each other (1 Thessalonians 5:11), seeing those around us in terms of their purpose and mission in life.

So what?
God enables us to love the fear out of one another. You can love the fear out of others, and you can allow the fear to be loved out of you.

We exhibit tender hearts when we say to one another:

It’s OK to have a bad day.·

It’s OK to be tired.·

It’s OK to admit your mistakes.·

It’s OK to say your marriage is failing.·

It’s OK to confess your addiction.· It’s OK to share you’re scared.·

It’s OK to want a day away from your toddler.·

It’s OK to grieve this loss.·

It’s OK to doubt, to be confused, to cry.

We exhibit humble minds when we say to one another:

It’s OK to be happy you got a new car.

It’s OK to celebrate that you got a huge raise.

It’s OK to joyfully tell us you lost 17 pounds.

It’s OK to say you won the sales competition.

It’s OK to shout “Hallelujah!” because God’s presence in your life is so good.

It’s OK to tell us these things because we will be as happy for you as if these blessings had come to us, and we will join you in hearty celebration.

© 2007 Jon Walker. All rights reserved.
Jon Walker is a pastor-advocate living in Southern California and the former pastor of communications at Saddleback Church.

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The World's Hatred

"When the world hates you, remember it hated me before it hated you. The world would love you if you belonged to it, but you don't. I chose you to come out of the world, and so it hates you. Do you remember what I told you? ' A servant is not greater than the master.' Since they persecuted me, naturally they will persecute you. And if they had listened to Me, they would listen to you! The people of the world will hate you because you belong to Me, for they don't know God who sent me. They would not be guilty if I had not come and spoken to them. But now they have no excuse for their sin. Anyone who hates me hates my Father, too. if I hadn't done such miraculous signs among them that no one else could do, they would not be counted guilty. But as it is, they saw all that I did and yet hated both of us - Me and My Father. This has fulfilled the scripture: 'They hated Me without cause.'

John 15, 16-25

As the world moves forward, is it any wonder the hatred for Christ and therefore christians becomes more virulant? I was completely blown away when I read what the bloggers of John Edward's campaign were posting. I had seriously considered linking to the blog but I was so disgusted by the posts, I decided not to make it too easy for them to get more traffic.

Hey, we are still seemingly a free country so post all you want. Be as vile and insulting to others and their beliefs as you need to be. What really bothers me is that the Edward's campaign would even hire these people to begin with. It is their right too I suppose. Unbelievable.

As for the Bloggers? Do they stand alone? Of course not, we have a political party dedicated to the removal of God everywhere. All you have to do is turn on your TV and be bombarded by sex, alchohol, perversion, crime, disaster, and devastation. The attacks grow fiercer each day. Sin is cunning, baffling, and worst of all patient.

We are told to pray for our enemies. Not scorn and insult them. I truly pray for these women to come to know the true love of Christ. I pray the scales will fall from their eyes.

Beloved, do you not see?

All that is written is becoming fullfilled. We are at war, not with people or principalities but with the evil one. It is now more than ever important to be in prayer for your fellow man.

Put on the whole armor of God.

The Harvest is here.

Larry

For more information on the bloggers.

TrustLight

This is a devotional I recieve from Purpose Driven Life. Written by John Fischer, like everthing else lately things seem to ring a mighty bell with what is going on in my life. Especially the asking for help part.


January 10, 2007

‘I thirst’by John Fischer


“Please give me a drink.” (John 4:7)


We worship a God who became a vulnerable human being. Superman took kryptonite. Samson let his hair be cut. Jack Frost relinquished his wintry powers to become the town tailor. Jesus got thirsty. It’s a story that is played out not only in history, but in fantasy, legend, and mythology – someone with supernatural powers gives up those powers to become human and it is always done for one reason: love. That was God’s reason. “But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.” (Romans 5:8)


And yet Jesus did more than just come to die. He also came to live as a human being. And that’s how it came to be that the God who made the heavens and the earth, including the clouds that bring water to a thirsty land, wound up at the well of Jacob asking a Samaritan woman for a drink. She had something he needed. He gave her worth by asking her for it. Due to tradition and culture, he should have had nothing to do with this woman. As it turned out, he ended up revealing to her his identity as the Messiah –something he did not do that directly to anyone for the rest of his ministry on earth.


Love always makes you vulnerable. There’s no way you can love and not expose yourself in some way or give something up. Love and need go together. God’s love compelled him to do what he did because that very love created in him a need for us. By creating us he also created in himself a place for us, and that need was reflected many times through the life of Christ.
Jesus Christ didn’t die for us because it made for good theology, he died for us because he loved us, lost us to sin, and gave himself up to buy us back. By doing this, he had to become vulnerable to the very system he created, that we might see how true love behaves. There is a death in love, and that death is the death of self. Jesus died to love us; we die as well in order to love and serve others. And part of that is in being vulnerable.


Sometimes the best thing we can do for someone is ask for help. Jesus asked the woman for a drink and three years later, he was asking for the same thing from the cross –symbolic of the vulnerability he placed himself into for the whole human race. Being vulnerable to those you love is a big part of love itself."




Humility comes to mind. For me, it is very difficult to ask for help and lately I have had to ask for it a lot. Not financial so much but just to be trusting to others to get the advice I have really needed recently. It is never easy to trust when you feel you have been betrayed by people whom you should never expect betrayal from.

TrustLight


Larry

Light in the Storm

Hope you like the new format! I finally took the plunge and updated. You know how it is, we in recovery sometimes fear change.

I thought I would take a moment to reflect and share a bit of my recent experience detoxing off of the poison I was on for so long.

Heavenlight

I must warn you, my journaling skills were not up to snuff.

God's promise: "I will give you back your health again and heal your wounds." Jeremiah 30:17 TLB

December 26th, 2006

This sux! This totally Sux! Detox Sux! I ache, my fingertips feel like they are going to pop off. I have to run to the bathroom every five minutes. I miss my family. It's too quiet in my room, they took my IPOD. I am not a person who likes to be alone with my own thoughts! I just want to heal, detox and leave! I love all the people who called today to check on me. (Before I checked in.) Ok too achy will write later.

December 27th, 2006

Ok, today is a bit better (meds kicking in) I did not sleep well last night. I had weird dreams, tossed and turned and went to the bathroom a lot. I prayed a lot when I couldn't sleep in all pretty miserable. They came in at 6 am and took blood. Shortly there after they gave me meds, vitamins and clonidine. Yesterday they gave me a clonidine patch to put on my shoulder. I went and had breakfast. I really didn't talk to anyone takes too much energy. I am very tired. I napped for an hour or so. Best sleep I have had since I got here. I woke up with terrible diarrea. I am totally exhausted. I missed group. Brenda, one of the nurses told me my wife had called. Omgosh I missed her last night and this morning. I came back in my room, started feeling blue and the Lord blessed me with his presence. I was praying, and everthing got still and quiet, I stopped shaking. He told me "I am your Rock, your Shield, your Very Present help in time of need." I cried. So I'm waiting here for 11:30 I'm gonna call my wife eat lunch and go to the meeting. I hope I have enough energy. Honesty

These are my exact journal entries. A tad edited, I didn't want to overwhelm anyone with too much personal info.

I have a few more entries I will add later. At times I was so miserable all I could do was pray Isaiah 6 over and over. Holy, holy is the Lord Almighty.

In my darkest hour he was there.

I understand praise in the storm like never before.

Larry