Psalm 13

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me, forever?

How long will You hide Your face from me?

How Long must I wrestle with my

Thoughts,

And everyday have sorrow in my heart?

How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, O Lord, my God.

Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"

and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in Your unfailing love;

my heart rejoices in Your salvation.

I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.

Another one of those "here is where I am today."

Hmm, I caught the slide this time. I cannot do this on my own. I can't do it at all.

Only Him.

Larry

Crossroads

Up, down. Up down. You know it is really cool that I finally know what I'm dealing with in my Life. I recognize the cycles of mania and depression.

Stuff makes sense now. Changes will have to be made. Commission sales may not be the best thing for me anymore.

What to do? I have been praying for The Lord to open another door for me. Stability would be a good thing.

I am coming to a crossroads. Which way do I go?

God will tell me. If I shut up and listen.

Larry

The Bi-Polar Hula

I haven't posted for a while. I am sorry if any of you have worried. It has been a difficult time for me both at home and work.

After the first of the year my family went through a trauma of sorts. Some extreme personal differences erupted between my parents and I. The end result being, I left the family business. All of this happened while I was still recovering from the effects of coming off of my pain medication.

Since then I have been struggling with major depression and anxiety. Trying to build a new business and maintain my recovery. Needless to say it has been tough.

My doc put me on Prozac which enabled me to get up off of the floor. I still struggled with doing something, anything productive. Each day was a battle. I couldn't focus on anything. Prayer, recovery, work, family, whatever. A friend told me that if you are taking antidepressants and you are still depressed you are probably bi-polar. "Yeah dude what-ever" I said. "Denial!" I had seen so many in recovery diagnosed with bi-polar I didn't want anything to do with it. Lithium? No way not me!

I blew it off for a week or so and then I started getting desperate. I looked up the symptoms and went, oh. I set an appointment for my psychiatrist. He put me on lamictal. I am building up the dosage right now, but I feel normal again. He hasn't officially diagnosed me, however if it looks like a duck it probably is.

The icing on the cake is that I can focus again. That is the real miracle. I feel connected with God, my program, and my family. I finished reprocessing my "traumas" with a new fourth step today and feel better than I have in weeks.

So, I hope to be back more consistantly and to not be so freaking serious about everything.

Aloha

Larry