Christmas Gratitude

Normally, New Year's Eve is the time for annual reflection but when the mood strikes the mood strikes. To say this year has been a struggle would be an understatement.

My mother-in-law, Aletha, has been on hospice care for the last year and her condition has been an emotional roller-coaster ride for my wife, her sisters, and all of us. 

Alexis, our fourteen year old has struggled emotionally as she evolves into a young woman. With all the ups and downs of teen-age hood. 

Finally, the disaster of my accident and five month recovery period.  

With God's blessings I have recovered almost totally and managed to graduate from LeTourneau. My wife, Lisa is as beautiful and warm spirited as ever. Lex is doing well, and Aletha seems to be ok for now. 

I am so grateful for all my family and friends without whom we could not have survived. We are so blessed. 

God is So Good!

Merry Christmas

Larry

Recovery Never Stops

Wow, how cool is this? I am blogging mobile. I have the Blogger app which allows me to write from my EVO  phone. awesome!

It has been a while since I have written and much has changed since I almost died in the accident. Now that I can blog by phone I can write about it, and I will.

I guess I will never really stop being in recovery in one way or another.

Ugh!

Larry

I Think I've Got it!

Finally! One of my goals this week was to get the blog re-tweeked and fix the disaster of the last template I tried. The pressure of mid-terms kept me from it.

I like the new look! If any of you have suggestions please leave a comment. Feel free to give me a thumbs up or thumbs down review.

A blog is nothing without content and I hope to return regularly. I say this with the best of intentions however, it is really hard for me to find time for a sneeze much less blog. I will do the best I can, and I totally appreciate the prayers and support.

Cool news, my hibernation from ministry is over. I have been commanded (after I whined like a little girl becuase I couldn't figure out how to find time to get back to doing what I'm supposed to be doing.) by my academic advisor, Dr. Mays, to explore intern possibilities with a CR group. So, on Tuesday nights I have been back to Celebrate Recovery! (it was never lost, it was just hard to go due to my work schedule!) Since school comes first, I now have Tuesdays off. Woohoo, God is Great!

They are struggling to find men who are able to be leaders, God put us together right on time. Next Tuesday I am giving my testimony at New Beginnings Baptist Church, here in Longview. I am a bit petrified. My testimony has so many additions since the last time I gave it, I have to rewrite it.

The people at this CR are amazing! I had visited a few times a year ago but never connected. (you have to go back to do that!) I am so super-psyched that this bunch seems to be as sick, if not sicker than I am! I totally mean that as a compliment too. I feel very at home there. If your around Longview next Tuesday come check it out.

Last but not least, I am going to re-make the blogroll. (Helen, your already in. :) I am also going to add some of my new Twitter friends. If you are interested in being added please post a comment, twitter, or facebook me.

New Beginnings

I hope everybody likes the new settings of Hallelujahs. There will be more to come in this revamping of my blog. It has been too long since I have given it the attention it deserves.

I appreciate all of you guys who have stuck with me so long, and I am grateful for all of the new friends I have met since beginning in 2006. It has been a long wonderful road and I hope my bipolar rants on life, recovery, and my poor attempts at being political, have struck a chord somewhere.

Its funny, at one time I thought this would be a political blog, but I found I didn't  have the desire to add to the flotsam and jetsam already out there.

So, I will stick to what I know best, recovery, my crazy life, and the blessings God has given me in the good times and bad. I have recently added a direct feed to twitter, facebook, and rss. Yikes! this means I will have to start writing a lot more!. I hope to make new friends, find new blogs to enjoy, and continue to share my sick sense of humor.

Over the next few weeks I will be adjusting my blogroll and tweaking other things.

I could not be here today if it weren't for God placing all of you in my life.

Thanks!

Larry

Recovery and Pain

What are we supposed to do when pain rears its ugly head and we are in recovery? Like a starving man on a deserted island, do I want water or food first?

I'm not talking about a headache or a little booboo on our toe, but real agonizing pain. The kind that disolves sleep, and prevents you from breathing. In my years of struggling with back pain I have realized, sometimes narcotic pain pills are the the only things that work.

Before my back surgery the only way I could function was to be on meds full time. Nothing else would touch the pain. If I wanted to get out of bed and go to work; I had to do what I had to do. Eventually I knew there would be a price to pay, and I paid it. It was one of the most suckish experiences of my life. It actually took me longer to recover getting off the pain meds than it did to recover from the surgery itself.

A week or so ago, I managed to bruise a couple of ribs on my upper right side. When I was at work Saturday night they broke. AGONY!! Like two children screaming in my ear, I couldn't move, breathe, laugh, or even get the hiccups without hurting. I finished my shift and headed straight to the emergency room.

They gave me a shot, which put me in lala land and took xrays. They saw more than they wanted because they then sent me in for a catscan. This is all fuzzy to me. Diagnoses? Fractured rib. BTW? Don't facebook or twitter when you are in this state of mind. I should have had my wife not give me my phone. (what you say will make no sense).

I was sent home with pain medication and prescription strength ibuprofen. Yesterday I stayed medicated and in bed. Today? Pain or not I had to get moving back into a routine. Time waits for no one, and my time was marching up my ribcage, like the Marine Corps marching band headed towards the barracks.

I have not taken anything stronger than my ibuprofen today for my pain. Tonight I return to work and will problably take something stronger when I get home.

I thank God he has taught me the lessons in life to avoid going back.

Larry

So Long Self

Ahhh the sweet feelings of spiritual awaking. Flowers in the spring, fresh falling snow in the winter. Sunset on a summers eve. Recognizing your primary character defect?

Priceless.




I am a selfish person. There I have said it. I have admitted it to the world. The mask has fallen, scales have dropped from my eyes.

Since recovery started for me four and a half years ago I have known I was self-centered or else why would I have drank, used drugs, people and possesions? The exact depth of my selfish self- seeking self (Please allow myself to introduce my--self.) I never really understood until today.


From my hard partying days to my recovery, delusions of my own grandeur abounded.


I have always focused on the exterior, the symptoms, drugs and alchohol, lust.


Me me me, I'm a victim. Oh my gosh stuff just keeps falling into place.


If only mom and dad hadn't done this. If only my friend hadn't done that.


Sheesh, is there anything greater than the freedom of God leading you to self realization? Is there anything greater than Christ doing for us what we could not do for ourselves?


None of this would have been possible with out Jesus. None of this would have been possible without my doing a thorough inventory (step 4) and confessing to God and my sponsor the exact nature of my wrongs (step 5).

People choke on these two steps. They would rather run screaming from the room than face their wrongs. I certainly know I procrastinated for ever.

I say, God brought me to it when he knew I was ready.


See what I said, selfish


I leave you with the lyrics of one of the greatest recovery songs ever.

My song.

So Long Self - Mercy Me

Well if I come across a little bit distant.

It's just because I am. Things just seem to feel
a little bit differentYou understand. Believe it or not but life is not
apparently About me anyways But I have met the One who really is worthy So let
me say.

So long, self

Well, it's been fun, but I have found somebody else. So long, self There's just no room for two So you are gonna have to move So long, self Don't take this wrong but you are wrong for me, farewell Oh well, goodbye, don't cry So long, self.

Stop right there because I know what you're thinking.

But no we can't be friends And even though I know your heart is breaking This has to end And come to think of it the blame for all of this Simply falls on me For wanting something more in life than all of this Can't you see?

Don't feel so bad (don't feel so bad)

There'll be better days (there'll be better days)

Don't go away mad (but by all means)

Just go away, go away.

So long, self

Well, it's been fun, but I have found somebody else So long, self There's just no room for two So you are gonna have to move So long, self Don't take this wrong but you are wrong for me, farewell Oh well, goodbye, don't cry

So long Self

Larry

The 12 Steps and Their Biblical Comparisons Part II

Step One
We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable

I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.
Romans 7:18

Step Two

We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose.
Philippians 2:13

Step Three
We made a decision to turn our wills and our lives over to the care of God.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God — this is your spiritual act of worship.
Romans 12:1

Step Four
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD. Lamentations 3:40

Step Five
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.
James 5:16

Step Six
We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
James 4:10

Step Seven

Humbly asked Him to remove all our shortcomings.

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9

Step Eight

We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

Do to others as you would have them do to you.
Luke 6:31

Step Nine

We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.
Matthew 5:23-24

Step 10
We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!
1 Corinthians 10:12

Step 11

We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and power to carry that out.

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly.
Colossians 3:16

Step 12

Having had a spiritual experience as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.

Galatians 6:1

Light in the Storm

Hope you like the new format! I finally took the plunge and updated. You know how it is, we in recovery sometimes fear change.

I thought I would take a moment to reflect and share a bit of my recent experience detoxing off of the poison I was on for so long.

Heavenlight

I must warn you, my journaling skills were not up to snuff.

God's promise: "I will give you back your health again and heal your wounds." Jeremiah 30:17 TLB

December 26th, 2006

This sux! This totally Sux! Detox Sux! I ache, my fingertips feel like they are going to pop off. I have to run to the bathroom every five minutes. I miss my family. It's too quiet in my room, they took my IPOD. I am not a person who likes to be alone with my own thoughts! I just want to heal, detox and leave! I love all the people who called today to check on me. (Before I checked in.) Ok too achy will write later.

December 27th, 2006

Ok, today is a bit better (meds kicking in) I did not sleep well last night. I had weird dreams, tossed and turned and went to the bathroom a lot. I prayed a lot when I couldn't sleep in all pretty miserable. They came in at 6 am and took blood. Shortly there after they gave me meds, vitamins and clonidine. Yesterday they gave me a clonidine patch to put on my shoulder. I went and had breakfast. I really didn't talk to anyone takes too much energy. I am very tired. I napped for an hour or so. Best sleep I have had since I got here. I woke up with terrible diarrea. I am totally exhausted. I missed group. Brenda, one of the nurses told me my wife had called. Omgosh I missed her last night and this morning. I came back in my room, started feeling blue and the Lord blessed me with his presence. I was praying, and everthing got still and quiet, I stopped shaking. He told me "I am your Rock, your Shield, your Very Present help in time of need." I cried. So I'm waiting here for 11:30 I'm gonna call my wife eat lunch and go to the meeting. I hope I have enough energy. Honesty

These are my exact journal entries. A tad edited, I didn't want to overwhelm anyone with too much personal info.

I have a few more entries I will add later. At times I was so miserable all I could do was pray Isaiah 6 over and over. Holy, holy is the Lord Almighty.

In my darkest hour he was there.

I understand praise in the storm like never before.

Larry