Monday, October 1, 2007

School Writings

Every so often I would like to share writing I've been doing at school.

Constructive criticism would be nice, no tomatos.







This is the LeTourneau clock tower it lies in the middle of the campus.
This paragraph is from a descriptive writing assignment.
You have to imagine a sunny but cool autumn breezy day.
This is the only picture I could find of the tower. I wahooed it from a fellow student.

The Bench


I sat upon a bench by the clock tower. Shadows and light danced through the waving trees throwing their reflection on the ground and sidewalk. The color of the brick flickered as the sun shone. Golden, then red, golden, then maroon the hues changing with the wind. The breeze caressing my hands and neck giving me a quiet but exhilarating chill as the sun shone on my face like a warm heating pad. I forgot about my stuffy nose, the white droppings of the birds on the tower bells and my achy body. Everything came together in that moment and I was still and knew God.
A bit cheesy perhaps but my first foray into this type of writing.
Larry

5 comments:

Shirley Buxton said...

Hello, Larry...and all who read this:

If you can possibly take the take, I wish you would go to my devotional for today. There are questions there I'd like to ask you.

Blessings always,

Shirley Buxton
www.shirleybuxton.wordpress.com

Shirley Buxton said...

Correction of typo: If you can possibly take the TIME...sorry about that.

DeadMule said...

Hi Larry,

I've been on vacation and am getting a slow start blogging. Hope you're enjoying your classes.

I took you seriously about the post and have rewritten it in what I think is a better paragraph. (I taught high school English for nine years and have studied writing at the collegiate level.) I combined some thoughts and used different sentence patterns, so that every sentence didn't begin with a noun. In some cases, I changed the part of speech of a word you used. In others, I just "tightened up" your language. I added no images you hadn't used.

See what you think. If you have questions, e-mail me. Love, Helen


When I sat on the bench by the clock tower, shadows and light danced through the waving trees, reflecting on the ground and sidewalk. The colors of the brick flicked and shone in the sun. The hues changed with the wind—golden, then red, golden, then maroon. The breeze on my hands and neck gave me a quiet but exhilarating chill, as the sunshine caressed my face like a warm heating pad. Everything came together in that moment, so that I forgot my stuffy nose and achy body. I failed to notice the droppings of the birds. In stillness, all I knew was God.

Shirley Buxton said...

Good job, Helen.

Larry said...

Funny, Helen you fixed the stuff my english comp prof told me to..

:)

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