Ahhh the sweet feelings of spiritual awaking. Flowers in the spring, fresh falling snow in the winter. Sunset on a summers eve. Recognizing your primary character defect?
I am a selfish person. There I have said it. I have admitted it to the world. The mask has fallen, scales have dropped from my eyes.
Since recovery started for me four and a half years ago I have known I was self-centered or else why would I have drank, used drugs, people and possesions? The exact depth of my selfish self- seeking self (Please allow myself to introduce my--self.) I never really understood until today.
From my hard partying days to my recovery, delusions of my own grandeur abounded.
I have always focused on the exterior, the symptoms, drugs and alchohol, lust.
Me me me, I'm a victim. Oh my gosh stuff just keeps falling into place.
If only mom and dad hadn't done this. If only my friend hadn't done that.
Sheesh, is there anything greater than the freedom of God leading you to self realization? Is there anything greater than Christ doing for us what we could not do for ourselves?
None of this would have been possible with out Jesus. None of this would have been possible without my doing a thorough inventory (step 4) and confessing to God and my sponsor the exact nature of my wrongs (step 5).
People choke on these two steps. They would rather run screaming from the room than face their wrongs. I certainly know I procrastinated for ever.
I say, God brought me to it when he knew I was ready.
See what I said, selfish
I leave you with the lyrics of one of the greatest recovery songs ever.
So Long Self - Mercy Me
Well if I come across a little bit distant.
It's just because I am. Things just seem to feel
a little bit differentYou understand. Believe it or not but life is not
apparently About me anyways But I have met the One who really is worthy So let
So long, self
Well, it's been fun, but I have found somebody else. So long, self There's just no room for two So you are gonna have to move So long, self Don't take this wrong but you are wrong for me, farewell Oh well, goodbye, don't cry So long, self.
Stop right there because I know what you're thinking.
But no we can't be friends And even though I know your heart is breaking This has to end And come to think of it the blame for all of this Simply falls on me For wanting something more in life than all of this Can't you see?
Don't feel so bad (don't feel so bad)
There'll be better days (there'll be better days)
Don't go away mad (but by all means)
Just go away, go away.
So long, self
Well, it's been fun, but I have found somebody else So long, self There's just no room for two So you are gonna have to move So long, self Don't take this wrong but you are wrong for me, farewell Oh well, goodbye, don't cry
So long Self